My Fake Plastic Love
by Luna29
Summary: Jesse disappears & Suze finds comfort in Paul. Until she accidentally opens doors in the shadowland and is taken back to Jesse's time. Paul's angry & looking for her, but will Suze come back & can she change history & stop Maria NOW UPDATED
1. If I Could Be Who You Wanted

A/N: Newest story. I know, I shouldn't start any new ones till I finish the others. But I just couldn't resist the temptation.  
  
Summary: Jesse disappears and now Suze finds comfort in Paul's arms. Until she accidentally opens one of the doors in the Shadowland and is transported to different worlds, and finally back to Jesse's time. Will she stay there with him? Meanwhile, Paul's looking for her like mad and all that shifting is beginning to take it's toll on Suze.  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters. They all belong to the wonderful, brilliant, mighty, Meg Cabot.  
  
Enjoy :-) and please review when you're done!  
  
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I sat on my bed, legs folded beneath me, tugging demurely at the soft pink sheets beneath me. "Paul," I said, grabbing one of the white pillows and hugging it tightly against my chest. "Where do you think he could be?" I shifted my attention from the sheets to the thin pink lace that bordered the pillow.  
  
I looked up at him through my bangs. "It's really not like Jesse to be gone this long." It was really awkward, sitting here revealing everything to Paul. I was normally the kind of person to keep everything bottled up inside. And here I was, revealing my soul, my deepest darkest secrets to the one person I claimed to hate with every fiber of my being. Even more, he actually tried to kill me a while back.  
  
So how had he managed to coax me into letting him within ten feet of me?  
  
Well, it all began two months ago. I was sitting innocently at my computer, reading the History notes Cee Cee had sent me, since I was stuck in Father Dom's office all hour, listening to but another lecture about the dangers of mediation, when suddenly, I felt a twinge of fear in the pit of my stomach. I can't describe exactly what it was. It felt like I had finally reached the top of a roller coaster and the train was just about to drop. That same cool windy feeling and lurching stomach. I hated it.  
  
My fingertips had gone cold. I quickly signed off the computer and slithered my feet into my slippers then climbed into bed, pulling out my Algebra textbook just to kill time. I had become semi-engrossed in the problem before me.  
  
*Because of strong headwinds.....*  
  
I looked up, seeing something dark rush past through the corner of my eye.  
  
Ignore it, Suze, I told myself, it's nothing. You're just tired. Finish this and get to rest....  
  
*.....an airplane's ground speed for the first half of a 2000 km trip averaged only 600 km/h.......*  
  
Again, I felt something there. This whole scary-movie-seeing-something-out- of-the-corner-of-your-eye thing was a bit foolish for me since I don't just see shadows; I actually see what's making the shadow. I am the mediator. I don't get strange feelings. I get the actual ghosts.  
  
Concentrate, Suze....  
  
*......What must its ground speed be for the rest of the trip if it is to average 720 km/h for the entire trip?*  
  
"Querida," My head shot up at the sound of Jesse's voice. Standing there, he looked strained, and barely visible. I could barely see the outline of his once brilliantly shining aura.  
  
I threw the book on the ground. "Jesse," I said, reaching out to touch his cheek with the back of my hand, only he stepped backwards, even tripping over his feet in the process. "What's going on?"  
  
"Sorry, Susannah, but it's not my place to tell you. But please, heed my warning: stay away from Paul. Please, querida, it's for your own good." His eyes just searched me for the longest time, as if seeing deep into my soul. "Promise me you'll stay away from Paul."  
  
I nodded widly. "Yeah, I promise but, Jesse---" He dematerialized, leaving me in my empty room once again with a head buzzing with a million unanswered questions. I'm just as confused now as I was then.  
  
As hard as it may be to believe, that was the last time I ever saw Jesse. No kiss, or hug, or even a goodbye. Nothing. Jesse was out of my life just like that.  
  
So I guess you can imagine why I turned to Paul. I mean, with so much pent up grief, I couldn't keep it inside any longer. I had to tell someone. Cee Cee and my mother were definitely out of the question, not knowing about my special gift of gab, and I wasn't running to Father Dominic to blab about my guy problems. So the only other person there, willing to listen, was Paul.  
  
He was always very sympathetic, which made me suspicious at first. I thought he hated Jesse, so why was he saying that Jesse would be missed? After a while, though, I learned to accept this new Paul. He'd only been so mean before because Jesse made him so mad. Really, Paul loved me and couldn't bear seeing me and Jesse together.  
  
This situation in my room was Deja Vu all over again. I'd asked Paul the same question a million times: Why did Jesse have to leave? And he'd always give me the same answer.  
  
"Suze," he sighed, getting up and taking a seat next to me on the bed. "If Jesse really cared about you, would he have just leave you alone like that? The answer's no, Suze. Jesse doesn't love you like I do. I'd never leave you." I smiled up at him, fluttering my lashes coyly.  
  
He leaned in, sliding his hands into my hair, drawing me closer to him and uniting us in a deep kiss. I let out a trembling sigh, letting my body slowly melt against his. His hands moved down my back and settled on my hips, pulling me closer and closer to him until my back was against the wall.  
  
He kissed my neck, slowly and delicately. "I love you, Suze."  
  
I sighed, wrapping my arms around his neck. "I... I.... l-love you, too, Paul."  
  
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Paul's POV—  
  
Finally, I had Suze were I wanted her. No, not locked in her room, pinned against a wall (though that was a plus) but more mentally than physically. She was so vulnerable now.  
  
I'd somehow convinced her that the real reason Jesse left was because he didn't like her. It's actually funny, now that I think about it. Even a blind man could see that de Silva loved her more than anything, but I managed to make her believe otherwise. Really just goes to show how powerful I actually am. De Silva is no match for me.  
  
He actually had the nerve to challenge my love for Suze. Saying it was just lust, she belonged to him. But I taught him, didn't I? Is de Silva around interrupting mine and Suze's private time anymore? No, he's not. And you can thank me for that.  
  
As always, I'd gotten exactly what I'd set out for; Suze Simon. And I coveted her so, treated her like the angel she was. Anything she wanted, she got. Because I'd never let her fall into the hands of that jerk Rico again. She was mine.  
  
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Suze's POV—  
  
I rested my head against Paul's chest, letting it rise and fall, coinciding with the steady beat of his heart. He gently ran his fingers through my hair, his eyes closed, long lashes draping his cheeks, curling perfectly at the ends.  
  
It's kind of ironic. I'd always imagined Jesse and me lying like this, silent, and just happy to be in each other's company. Never in a million years would I have guessed that I would be lying on my bed with Paul Slater, my arms wrapped around his neck, smiling pleasantly. But here I was, and, surprisingly, Jesse was the farthest thing from my mind.  
  
I closed my eyes, letting myself drift into a peaceful sleep.  
  
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A/N: So.... Whaddya think? Good? Bad? So/so? PLEASE REVIEW!!! :-) Thanks! Love, Luna.  
  
Next Chapter:  
  
.... I walked slowly, cautiously, the fog curling around my knee-high black boots. I shivered, hugging my arms. "Hello?" I called in a trembling voice. "Who's there?" And all at once, I heard dozens of voices whispering my name all at once. Some frantically, other calmly, and some moaning in distress. I covered my ears and stumbled backwards against one of the many doors that lined the walls. My hand fell upon the door knob and I turned it beneath my fingers. I didn't care where it took me, anywhere to escape these voices.... 


	2. It Wears Her Out

A/N: Summary: Jesse disappears and now Suze finds comfort in Paul's arms. Until she accidentally opens one of the doors in the Shadowland and is transported to different worlds, and finally back to Jesse's time. Will she stay there with him? Meanwhile, Paul's looking for her like mad and all that shifting is beginning to take it's toll on Suze.  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters. They all belong to the wonderful, brilliant, mighty, Meg Cabot.  
  
So I just got back from Chicago, and during the five hour ride I managed to write this whole chapter. Without getting car sick and throwing up all over my sister! (though that would've been kinda funny.) Anyway, Thanks SO much for the reviews!! Wow. 11. For one chapter. Hah, that's cool. I *heart* you guys. So thanks a bunch for reading, I hope you like this chapter!  
  
I sorta changed the plot of the story around a bit. I really hope you don't mind and keep reading. Because I'm more confident in this plot than the other one, which might not have really taken me anywhere. It'll still be mostly Suze/Paul... in the beginning. I was afraid to replace the last chapter with the new updated one because I was afraid it would erase the reviews. If you know for sure whether it does or doesn't please let me know.  
  
*end of long author's note*  
  
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I walked slowly, cautiously, the fog curling around my knee-high black boots. Shivering, I hugged my arms tight against my chest.  
  
"Hello?" I called in a trembling voice. "Who's there?"  
  
And all at once, I heard dozens of voices whispering my name all at once. Some frantically, other calmly, and some moaning in distress. Hissing at me from every corner, it was a nightmare.  
  
I covered my ears and stumbled backwards against one of the many doors that lined the walls. Hastily, my hand fell upon the door knob and I turned it beneath my fingers. I didn't care where it took me, anywhere to escape these voices...  
  
So I let all my weight fall onto the door as it creaked open. Streams of blinding yellow light filled the room as I felt myself fall backward into emptiness. It wasn't like a fall from the roof of the house, where I knew I would eventually land, but this fall was endless, bottomless. Empty.  
  
At first, I was terrified, my arms and legs trashing in every direction, searching for something, anything, to take hold of. But there was nothing around, and if there was I couldn't see it due to the fact that the whole place was dark. Yes, pitch black. I was convinced this was a nightmare. Things like that don't happen in real life. Just in your dreams.  
  
I closed my eyes, yes, just a dream. I'll wake up without a scratch. Besides, nothing that happens in the shadowlands affects you in the real world. Because that's where I was after all; the shadowlands.  
  
Suddenly, a great peaceful feeling overcame me as I landed gently against what felt like a soft bed. I opened my eyes. A bed: of flowers. Was I dead? Because, in my current state, I wouldn't have really minded that much.  
  
I sighed, the sweet scent from the flowers filling me with such a feeling of peace that I'd never felt before. Was this Heaven? I hadn't felt like this for a long time. Not since the last time Jesse and I had shared a kiss, anyway. That kiss...  
  
Standing up unsteadily I squint into the light. The whole place is teeming with bright red and yellow flowers Growing majestically around the trunks Of the great, gnarled trees Flowers curl around my ankles I spin in circles, taking it all in, stunned Tracing my fingers along the vivid green leaves Dew collects on my fingertips.  
  
Brushing past trees I walked deeper into the forest Distant shrieking of gulls luring me in Like a siren to a sailor On a dark and windy night I venture into the deep dark forest The vegetation flourishing Brushing aside a branch I gasp  
  
Before me lay the most amazing display of beauty White sand lined the sparkling waters Seeming to stretch miles in both directions The water shimmered intensely Alternating between deep shades of blue And orange, reflecting the setting sun  
  
The smell of salty spume wafting up from the waves Beckoned me closer Until I found myself with my toes buried deep in the sand Warm water rising around me Consuming me  
  
Everything felt so real For a place so far from reality Inviting you to stay forever Lingering in the heat of the summer sun.  
  
Everything felt so real for a place so far from reality. I felt like I could stay there forever, letting the setting sun warm my face, without a care in the world. This was it. This was my utopia.  
  
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I opened my eyes. Blinked once. Paul's blurry figure loomed above me as he talked into his cell phone animatedly. I blinked again. Paul twirled a piece of my hair in his fingers as he spoke.  
  
"Yes," he exclaimed. "I told you I wanted them for today. No, I don't care about the extra cost." He looked down, noticing me awake. "Alright, I have to go. Yes, Slater. Bye." He clicked it shut.  
  
"Suze," he grinned. "I thought you were dead."  
  
"Ha ha." I swung my legs over the side of the bed. "Very funny."  
  
"So what happened?" he asked, seeming genuinely interested.  
  
"Nothing," I stood up and grabbed the brush off my vanity, running it through my hair. "I had a dream about the shadowland. I don't want to talk about it."  
  
"Suit yourself," he said, slipping his brown leather jacket on over his grey t-shirt. He leaned down, a soft kiss tumbling off his lips and onto my forehead. "I'll see you later."  
  
I smiled up at him through my lashes. "Bye, Paul." I blew him a small kiss as he left, the door behind him shutting lightly.  
  
If I were any other girl, I would have sighed and, like Princess Jasmine, would've twirled around my room, brushing my hair and singing dreamily because Paul was such a sweetheart and he actually loved me. (a/n: I love that movie, don't you love that movie? *starts singing Aladdin tunes*)  
  
But unfortunately, I'm Suze Simon, and nothing is ever that simple for me. This is why for a long while after Paul left I sat there with my head cradled in my hands.  
  
This whole situation was such a mess. I didn't have a clue what my feelings toward anything were. I was like a robot, simply following orders with no thoughts of my own. Paul loved me, so I loved him back. If Jesse were to come back (fat chance) I'd fall back in love with him. Heck, if Adam liked me, I'd probably be all over him as well.  
  
I'm usually not one to feel sorry for myself but it was so hard not to right at that moment when everything seemed so empty.  
  
So fake.  
  
Like living life without Jesse wasn't worth living at all.  
  
So it was with an occasional tear running down my cheek that I finally drifted into a deep slumber.  
  
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I tumbled out of bed that morning, took a shower, and tugged a jean skirt and black t-shirt from the heap of clothes my closet. I emerged from my room only a few minutes later, fresh as a daisy.  
  
But of course, leave it to Dopey to lose the keys to the Land Rover. Again. So while the boys searched frantically behind and inside of the couches I sat at the kitchen counter, nibbling a graham cracker, reflecting on the night before.  
  
What was that place? Hadn't the gatekeeper warned me to stay away from those doors? I mean, last time we opened one Craig Jankow was transported to Heaven (or Hell?) in a blinding flash of light. Why hadn't the same thing happened to me?  
  
"Suze! If you don't get out here right now we're leaving you!" Dopey's holler interrupted my train of thoughts, leaving me with a head buzzing full of questions, as I darted outside and slid into the backseat of the Land Rover, just as Dopey was pulling out of the driveway.  
  
"Made it," I cried, laughing.  
  
"Yeah, whatever," Dopey grumbled.  
  
We ended up making it to school ten minutes late anyway, missing assembly, and landing each of us in detention. And while I was at my locker, like my day wasn't already going bad enough, Kelly Prescott had to come slinking up to my locker in her Prada slides and me all, "Suze, why didn't you come to my party last night? Everyone who's anyone was there---except you. What gives?"  
  
Suddenly, I was very, very angry. Right then I really didn't have a clue why. Maybe it was because I had so much to deal with right now and the only thing Kelly could worry about was some stupid party she threw last night.  
  
"Kelly," I snapped, trying to keep my cool my taking deep, slow breaths, not really helping as much as I would have liked It to. "I could care less about your little party, right now. Do you actually think I wanted to spend my night listening you go on and on about your new sundress while drunken couples get it on in your parents bedroom? I think not."  
  
(a/n: oh no oh no oh no.... lol why did I have to write that? lol lolly help me)  
  
Kelly's eyes narrowed and her lips grew thin before she stomped off in a huff. With one last look, she turned back and mouthed the word, "bitch", and her eyes burning with intensity.  
  
Like I cared. Besides, why would I want to hang around someone who looked like they were wearing the equivalent of three whales in makeup? Jeez, at least I take it easy. I like animals.  
  
But, whatever. You can probably understand why I was so irritable as I plopped down into my chair for third period biology and rubbed my temples with my index and middle fingers.  
  
"Mr. Adams," the substitute teacher said, introducing himself. He was an African-American man, looked in his mid-fifties, and was wearing—of all things—suspenders. He walked up and down the aisles, clutching a bag of Twizzlers in his hand, and occasionally pulling one out and taking a bite. "Who," he said. "can tell me who the sixth president of the United States was?"  
  
Up front, Cee Cee's hand shot up. "John Quincy Adams," she recited. He pulled a piece of licorice out of the bag and tossed it on her desk. She picked it up with two fingers, eyeing it skeptically.  
  
For the next question, the entire class' hands were up. I let out a bored sigh, shutting my eyes. I sat in the back of the classroom, and, surely, with all the commotion, no one would notice. I never fall asleep in class but last night had taken quite a toll on my mental well being.  
  
For a moment I only saw darkness as the class' shouts of, "Chelsea Clinton!" grew hushed and before I knew it I was back in the shadowlands again, being lured in by Jesse's deep and soothing voice. "Querida... Querida..."  
  
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A/N: Whew! Thanks a ton for reading, I hope you don't mind the slight change... *bites fingernails* I just though that this plot could actually take me somewhere, you know. To be honest, if I'd have used the other one I might have never finished it, due to hitting a major road-block or something.  
  
If that chapter was confusing for you, let me just clear it up (sorry if it was): It began with Suze going to the Shadowland in her dream (look back, she fell asleep) and then she went into that beach-paradise place. She woke up, went to school, and (lol) fell asleep in class... I bet you can guess what she dreams about...  
  
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Well, here's your preview:  
  
... I fell with a thud onto the ground. Grabbing hold of the nearest tree, I tried to steady myself. Everything was still blurry, although I could make out two girls slowly approaching. One was about half the other's height and they looked to be sisters with the same dark black hair and brown eyes. The older one reached out and placed one hand underneath my chin, lifting my head to see her. "Who are you?" she whispered....  
  
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And of course, thanks for reading and please review!!! Love, Luna. 


	3. She Looks Like the Real Thing

"Jesse!" I hollered, choking on the very sobs that I'd been trying to contain for so long. "Jesse is that you?" I whirled around wildly, looking in every direction. I didn't care that the icy air stung my cheeks as I did so; I just wanted to find him. To find my Jesse.  
  
I knew he had to be here somewhere. I heard him. I heard his familiar, deep growl of a voice, calling to me from deep inside the shadowland. It echoed off the walls, resonating deep into the darkness, a hollow, unforgettable sound.  
  
It was the first time I heard him since he left. His voice was stressed, but calm. Cool and collected. Just like Jesse. Only now something was different.  
  
I turned my head, looking over my shoulder, feeling a sudden presence behind me. Sure enough, my feeling was correct. A tall, dark figure was staggering toward me. In the thickness of the fog, it was hard to see his face, but I was sure I knew exactly who it was.  
  
I raced up to him recklessly, throwing my arms around his neck and burying my head in my neck. "Jesse, why'd you have to leave?" I cried, only his arms wrapped around my shoulders and I was thrown to the ground in a single thrust. I rubbed my elbows then wiped my tearstained face, looking up at him helplessly. Jesse....  
  
It was then I realized how wrong I was. I had wished so hard that it would be Jesse strolling over to me, coming to take me back home, that I had gone and thrown my arms around THE GATEKEEPER'S neck!  
  
You can imagine how flushed I was as he looked at me, eyebrows scrunched up in sheer confusion. I smoothed my hair and skirt, mumbling about how I really should be leaving because Father Dominic would be needing to see me, important mediator business.  
  
I turned away, walking as fast as my little legs could carry me when the Gatekeeper's hand lashed out and gripped my wrist. "Hey," I said, thrashing out of his hold. "What's your problem?"  
  
"I'm not the one with the problem." He said, his face as pale and expressionless as ever. "It's your friend, Mr. de Silva. He wanted me to show you something..."  
  
My eyes widened with sudden interest. I followed him where he led me down the foggy corridor, where I couldn't help but bounce along happily behind him. It was all I could do not to burst out into song and dance, jazz hands and all.  
  
Finally, finally, news from Jesse after all this time spent waiting idly. I knew he wouldn't forget me. Not Jesse. The Gatekeeper turned around, eyeing me. I couldn't help but chuckle a little. I probably looked like a freaking maniac.  
  
"Mr. de Silva instructed me to show you this door." He said, pointing to the door we stood next to.  
  
My face automatically fell. "This door? That's all? No 'I love you' or 'I'll be back soon, querida' just.... a DOOR?" My arms were flailing wildly as I spoke. Can you believe that Jesse had the chance to tell me that he loved me, or at least reassure me that he was okay but all he had to show me was a door?  
  
The Gatekeeper nodded gravely. "He says it was very urgent, which is why I summoned you up here as soon as possible." He paused, looking at me from head to toe causing me to tug my skirt down self-consciously. "He wanted me to tell you that you must go through the door. Even for just a moment."  
  
"W-why?" The room was suddenly much colder than it had been before. "Weren't you the one who told me that you weren't supposed to go the doors?"  
  
"Yes," he said. "But I am simply following orders." I looked at him closely, but he seemed to be sincere, although his stone cold expression still freaked me out every time I saw him.  
  
"Alright," I said, a nervous chuckle escaping my lips. "If Jesse says to, it can't be too bad..." So the gatekeeper reached out with one hand, and pulled out the door knob. The door swung open with a powerful force and a burst of white light. It was like there was a hurricane or something on the other side because unlike the other door I went through, fierce gusts of wind were blowing out of the door, making it hard to even hear my self speak as I asked the gatekeeper whether it was okay to go through. Because I honestly thought that if I went in there, I'd end up like Dorothy in The Wizard of Oz: Sucked in by a tornado then thrown into a land of singing little people and flying monkeys.  
  
Sorry, I know, I'm rambling again. But that movie really scares me.  
  
Anyway, The Gatekeeper nodded in response to my question. I walked closer, my hair blowing in all directions, and simply stood with my heels on the doorstep for a second, pondering whether I really should listen to this guy. I mean, he could possibly be in cahoots with---  
  
And that's when he did it. He actually PUSHED me inside, shutting the door behind me.  
  
I was PISSED! And really, if I wasn't falling through space and time, I would have gone back there and kicked his ass back to whatever he coliseum he just walked out of. Who does he even think he is? Going around and pushing girls inside of strange time vortexes, or whatever.  
  
But oh well. There wasn't much I could really do about it at the time.  
  
This time around, it wasn't the same falling sensation I'd experienced before, but more like just being ripped through this vortex thing of some kind, like the ones you hear about when you're up late and there's nothing good on TV so you just watch The Twilight Zone.  
  
(a/n: I've never really watched that show so I wouldn't know exactly what they talk about.)  
  
Basically, it was the same feeling you get when you fall asleep on your arm, but it was going on in my whole entire body. I just shut my eyes tight and clenched my teeth, hoping for the best. And after a minute that seemed to stretch out into an unbearable eternity, I opened my eyes.  
  
Thankfully, I was no longer in the shadowland. The gatekeeper wasn't anywhere in sight. It looked like I was out in the country, maybe somewhere in Texas or even New Mexico. The sun must have been beating down pretty hard for a long time, since there was barely a green plant in sight. I quickly became overheated for just standing there (hey, I wasn't used to these kinds of temperatures, okay?) and had to sit down in the shade of a nearby tree (granted, there wasn't a single leaf growing on it) for some shade.  
  
I sat there for as long as I could remember, but just thinking that it was so quiet and I was so tired. Maybe it was the afternoon sun that was making me drowsy, but my head nodded and I began to fall asleep.  
  
Until a tap on the top of my head made me jump up, frightened. Jeez, whoever did that was going to pay, they practically scared the shit out of me. I tried to stand up, but was still dizzy, so I only fell back down onto the ground with a thud. Grabbing hold of the nearest tree trunk, I tried to steady myself.  
  
Everything was still blurry, although I could make out two girls slowly approaching. One looked around my age and the other one could have been around four or five years old. They looked like sisters, with the same dark black hair and brown eyes.  
  
They advanced cautiously, whispering to each other as they did so. Once they were close enough, the older one reached out and placed one hand underneath my chin, lifting my head so I could see her. "Who are you?" she whispered in a slightly accented voice, shaking her head, puzzled.  
  
But instead of answering I looked at her from head to toe. She had on this red floral patterned skirt that went all the way down to her ankles. The top had a slight square neck and the sleeves, which were layered and ruffled, stopped at her elbows. It was sort of cute... if you were a pioneer or something. Her little sister's dress was of the same style, only hers was a soft pink.  
  
She was looking at me in the same fashion. And after she got a good, long glimpse of my jean mini-skirt she actually covered her little sister's eyes, this horrified look on her perfectly tan face.  
  
"Dios Mio!" She exclaimed. "Que es esto? Ay, vayamos, hermana. No podemos ser vistos con esta clase de mujer." And she began to rush her little sister away as fast as possible.  
  
(a/n: translation—"My God, what's this? Ay, let's go sister. We can't be seen with this type of woman.")  
  
Like I had any clue whatsoever what they were saying. I only knew it must have had something to do with my outfit. Was this skirt too short for her? Oh, man, she must think I'm a hooker or something. I called after her until to come back I could no longer see her anymore.  
  
Oh, it's just my luck that the first people I see happen to think I'm a hooker. Great.  
  
Just GREAT.  
  
Then I heard someone calling me again. It was faint, and barely audible because of the fierce wind blowing by, but I heard it. It was vaguely familiar, the voice, I mean, lurking in the back of my mind. But before I had a chance to decide who it was, I was snapped back into the classroom, my heart thudding wildly.  
  
I pulled my head off of the desk and looked up; Adam was bent over, looking at me in a baffled way. He was still shaking me almost violently when I slapped his hand off.  
  
"What's up with you and Jesse?" Was the first thing he'd asked me. My heart was pounding fiercely, threatening to come out of my chest. I tried to breathe slowly, but it wouldn't slow down.  
  
"What do you mean?" I whispered. The rest of the class was supposed to be reading a chapter from our textbooks, although only half were, the rest chatting and whispering to each other.  
  
"Jesse." He said slowly, stretching out the syllables and speaking loudly, like I was deaf or something. "What's up with you guys? You broken up or something?"  
  
I shook my head madly. "No, why do you ask?"  
  
"You kept whispering his name," he said, and then in a high-pitched, imitating voice went, "Jesse... oh, Jesse... where are you? Why'd you lea--- OW! Jeez, Suze, I was just joking... ha-h—ow! Okay, I get it, sorry."  
  
And he deserved every single punch in the arm I gave him. I really couldn't help feeling so bad. No one—not even Paul—could understand how much I really missed Jesse. He was my best friend.  
  
I was in a funk all day, just sulking about until it was finally time to go home and we all piled into the car. Even Dopey asked me what was up, which was very kind of him, considering how many times I'd laughed in his face when he lost a wrestling match or one of his girlfriends dumped him.  
  
I walked inside and just plopped down on my bed. I leaned over, pulling the nearby heart-shaped candle into reach. I put my hand in the flame, moving it slowly and steadily until my hand began to sting. I pulled it out with a quick jerk as Doc stepped into the room, knocking on the wall outside my door.  
  
"Hey, Suze, there's something for you downstairs." He said, in his squeaky 13 year old boy voice. I got up and he led me into the kitchen. I was thinking it was just a letter from Gina or something, letting me know about the great guy who just moved in down the block.  
  
But what I saw instead was a great bouquet of bursting soft pink roses. They looked so feminine and delicate, drops of water still collected on the petals. I smiled, walking over and pulling the card off.  
  
****It's easier for silence to be heard  
  
Than my feelings for you to be put into words. Love, Paul****  
  
I could feel myself getting red, hoping to God that none of my step- brothers read this. That would be mortifying. I looked up but Dopey and Doc were sitting at the table, snacking, not even paying attention to what was going on in the other room.  
  
So I took that as a good opportunity to squeal and jump up in down, holding the little card close to my heart. How did Paul always manage to find the right things to say at the right time? That's what I'd always secretly loved about him, even when Jesse was around. Sure, he might have tried to kill me once, but I could tell he was a softie at heart. Uh.... That was a huge oxymoron.  
  
Anyway. None of that mattered anymore. All that mattered was that Paul and I loved each other. Nothing could tear us apart.  
  
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _  
  
JESSE'S POV—  
  
I was saddling my horse, preparing to go into town with my father when Lucero, my sister, came running up to me, her black curls flailing wildly. She wiped her forehead with the back of her hand and grabbed onto my arm, panting. "Jesse... I.... Lydia and I... caminábamos y...."  
  
I grabbed her shoulders and sat her down on the stairs, leaving my horse half saddled just to talk to her. At 17, Lucero was the second oldest child of the family, after me, and of all my sisters, she was the one I was closest to. Not a thing happened that we didn't tell each other about. To see her this wild and panicky worried me.  
  
"¿Lucero, qué sucedió?" I asked, puzzled. "What happened?" Our maid, Maria, noticing Lucero rushed up and gave her a glass of water.  
  
She gulped it down in a rather unladylike manner before taking a breath and whispering, "Oh, Jesse, I know you said that Lydia and I weren't allowed to go out but I had promised Juan that I would meet him, and I just can't let Juan down because he would just hate me and go to that witch he's always hanging around. So I left but I couldn't leave Lydia alone and had to take her--" I put a finger to her lips, smiling at the familiar babbling that brought back strange and unfamiliar, yet comforting, memories.  
  
"Just tell me what happened, sister. And don't worry, I won't tell papá why you were gone."  
  
She smiled. "Alright, thanks Jesse. So we were walking and I saw this girl who was dressed in some very scandalous clothing. She was bearing her arms and a good portion of her legs, with a skirt up to here," she put her hand about halfway down her thigh, and I heard Maria gasping a little ways away. "And she wore so much make-up around her eyes... oh, it was a frightening sight. You never know what women like her are capable of. I didn't know if she was dangerous, so I just... Well, I grabbed Lydia and ran."  
  
Without thinking, I nodded. "You did a smart thing." We sat in silence for a moment while Lucero sipped water from the cup.  
  
"But you know," she said suddenly, smiling at me. "She had the most beautiful green eyes. Like emeralds. Sometimes I wish I had green eyes, or even blue, like the mayor's daughters, but no, me pegan con éstos ojos café.... I'm stuck with these boring brown eyes."  
  
I stared at her for a second, until realization struck me. "Did you say she had green eyes?"  
  
"Yes," she said as she stood up and dusted off her skirt, letting my smallest sister, Alicia, of only one year, run into her arms. "Bright green eyes. Now that I think about it, if she was wearing some decent clothing she'd be quite pretty..." Then she adjusted Alicia in her arms, and walked up the stairs and into her bedroom.  
  
I felt my body suddenly go numb. I felt myself breathe in only short, nervous breaths. I hadn't a clue why, maybe I was having some sort of attack. Should I get help? No... it was an image of a gorgeous woman that appeared in my eyes that, for some reason, took my breath away when I saw her. Not because she was divinely beautiful, but there was something familiar about her...  
  
Those green eyes....  
  
___  
  
Thank you for reading. Please review ^-^ 


	4. A Hundred Days Have Made Me Older

A/N: Okay. Hi! I hope you liked the last chapter because I really love this story to death. And I love everybody who's still reading even more! :D Thanks!  
  
____________________  
  
I stood on Paul's doorstep, knocking on the door, tittering anxiously. My hands were shoved in the pockets of my hoody as I shuffled my feet. Yes, in case you were wondering, I did change out of my skirt and tank-top and into the hoody and a pair of jeans. I guess I just wanted to avoid any more embarrassing misunderstandings. So sue me.  
  
After a minute of waiting, Mr. Slater's nurse answered the door with a smile. He had a bottle of medicine in his hand and was turning the cap as he answered the door.  
  
"Hello," he poured a few big green pills into his hand. "Uh, Susan, right?"  
  
I shrugged, "Close enough. Is Paul here?"  
  
(a/n: lol, people mess up my name all the time. So much that I don't even mind when they call me "Elise")  
  
"Sure," he smiled. "He's in his room. Look, uh, I'm heading out for the night and Paul is supposed to keep an eye on him. Is that alright?"  
  
"Yeah, I guess." I said as he grabbed his jacket, and then handed me the pills.  
  
"Good. Well, make sure he takes these once every three hours with a glass of ice water."  
  
I laughed, "Whatever you say." As soon as he left I set them on the table and raced into Paul's room, where I ran into him in the hallway just by his door. He must have heard me come in.  
  
"Hey, Suze," he said, leaning up against the door casually. I only stood there grinning at him, which prompted him to go, "I take it you liked the flowers..."  
  
I wrapped my arms around the back of his neck. "I loved them." His body was close against my own and I smiled seductively.  
  
We just looked deep into the other's eyes for a long time. His were such a pure, clear blue, they seemed endless. The kind of eyes you expect an angel to have; Innocent. I could hear Paul's breath become heavy as I slipped my hand around, opened the door, and pushed him into his room, pinning him down on the bed.  
  
I really don't know what had possessed me to go around kissing Paul like a mad-man. I don't even think Paul cared.  
  
Whatever it was, we began kissing rather intensely. It was... strange, to say the least, because every kiss Paul and I had shared since the one in his bedroom had been a timid, "Let me comfort you and heal your sorrow," kiss. But no, this one.... Wow.... And I'll say it again: WOW.  
  
(a/n: I think I might have sounded like the bat from 'Anastasia' there, lol)  
  
Everything around us seemed to melt away. Like the only thing in the world was Paul, lying here with me. It was that intense.  
  
Until I opened my eyes and looked at Paul only to see something was horribly wrong. The person I was pulling closer to me was not Paul, but Jesse. Jesse's dark eyes that would forever haunt my dreams were now pinning me to the bed.  
  
Well, I'm ashamed to say that I kind of, uh, threw him off of me, in my haste to leave the room. I quickly gathered my things and got out of there, but not fast enough because Paul caught me before I could get out the door, going, "Suze, what the hell's your problem?"  
  
My breath was racing as I turned around slowly, afraid of what I might see. God, this was it. I'd finally lost it. I'd finally gone off the deep end. Now I was seeing things?  
  
Jesse was not in the room. It was just me and Paul. No reason to freak out. I was just imagining things. Jesse was gone. He'd never come back.  
  
"Suze," Paul breathed. "Look, I'm sorry. Are you all right? Because you can always talk to me if there is ever something wrong. You know that."  
  
I looked at him and saw such sincerity in his eyes that for a moment, I actually considered telling him the truth. About the little trips into the shadowland, I mean. I almost told him about Jesse. But I wrenched out of his grasp and ran home before I could let myself say anything else.  
  
I hopped into bed and I guess I was so tired from the day's events that I immediately fell asleep. But I didn't exactly have sweet dreams. Ok, that was an understatement. I had NIGHTMARES.  
  
I was in the shadowland again, but there was something different about it this time. Some sense of foreboding and a deep feeling of sorrow, just hanging about. My arms were coated with goose bumps and I shivered almost violently.  
  
Then I felt a tingling along my legs, then a sharp itching and when I looked down I let out a shriek that almost made the whole place tremble. Dozens of spiders were crawling on my bare legs, twitching and salivating as they made their way up.  
  
It also didn't help that they were roughly the size of my palm.  
  
Yeah, so you'd be freaked out, too. I didn't want to touch them or anything and just jumped up and down, shrieking. But when I looked down again, they were not there.  
  
My heart just about came out of my chest, it was thudding wildly. Oh, I just wanted to get out of there and get home. What ever happened to those nice dreams where Jesse was holding me close, whispering sweet nothing's into my ear? Huh?  
  
Suddenly, as if he'd heard me, Jesse's deep voice began calling out again from the far inside the shadowland. Curious, I let it lure me in, deeper and deeper.  
  
That's when I realized it. Who was I kidding anyway? I couldn't even fool myself anymore. All this time spent with Paul.... I was just tricking myself into thinking I could live without Jesse. Fooling myself, and everyone around me, into thinking that life was worth living without him. Pretending that I could move on and be happy with Paul, when, really, there was only one truth:  
  
I still loved Jesse.  
  
And I always would.  
  
So instead of just walking toward his voice, I began to run, something I normally wouldn't do—not in the shadowland, anyway, considering how I'm deathly afraid of the place and all. But I didn't even care. Like there was no guarantee I would see him, but just the thought of him holding me in his arms made every worry of mine disappear.  
  
~~  
  
Because it's you, my sun,  
  
The faith with which I live  
  
The strength of my voice  
  
The feet that I walk with  
  
It is you my love, my desire to laugh  
  
The goodbye I won't know how to say  
  
Because I will be never able to live  
  
....without you  
  
~~  
  
(a/n: roughly translated myself from a Shakira song, Tu, that is originally in Spanish.)  
  
And as the voice became louder, as If I was coming closer, and the darker it got until it was such an intense darkness that I couldn't see my own hand if I held it right in front of my eyes.  
  
Then, the dim light of a candle appeared, seemingly floating in front of me, and in the darkness it was enchanting, my eyes glued helplessly to its iridescent glow.  
  
And then a familiar voice: "Who's there?"  
  
________________________________________________  
  
JESSE'S POV—  
  
I was tossing and turning in my bed, not able to find a comfortable spot. I'd throw the blankets onto the floor, only to pick them up again. My body was doused in sweat from all this moving. Something was bothering me inside, like a nagging feeling constantly reminding me that I had forgotten something. Or that something had forgotten me.  
  
Anyway, I was sure I knew why I'd been having such feelings all day when I heard a soft rustling coming from right inside my bedroom. My eyes opened with a fast jerk and I felt around for my machete, which I kept close to my bed at all times.  
  
Especially now, since someone in town must have heard that my father would be away for a week, and was now trying to take advantage of the situation, knowing that I was the only man in the house.  
  
Or, on the other hand, it could have simply been a mouse. But I wasn't taking any chances. I struck a match, lighting the candle on my nightstand and holding it up as I pulled the machete out from under my thick mattress.  
  
"Who's there?" I called, careful not to awake my sisters. At first, there appeared to be no one, until I held the candle higher, and saw the shadowy figure of a woman dart across the floor. I heaved a big sigh, knowing that it must have been one of my younger sisters, who had simply had a nightmare. But even they know that it's not quite appropriate from them to come crawling into my bed when they have a nightmare: that's what my mother is there for.  
  
"Martha?" I called. "Is that you?"  
  
The only response was some soft mumbling and a clatter as I could hear her trying to make her way to my door.  
  
"Excuse me," I said, grabbing her wrist lightly because, frankly, I wasn't sure if this was really my sisters, or even one of our servants, for that matter. I'm sure if they even knew me they would have at least addressed themselves to me.  
  
But oh no, I knew I'd caught an intruder who had thought they could weasel their way out without a scratch. But they obviously don't know who Hector de Silva really is. Because if there is one thing I won't do, it's let someone hurt my family.  
  
Hastily, I grabbed a lantern, lit it, and swung it around, growling, "Who's there?!" The lantern steadied itself but when I saw who was it was, it slipped out of my hand and clattered to the floor. I didn't even bother to pick it up as I only stood there, enthralled.  
  
It was her; the beauty that haunted my dreams, day in and day out. Here she was, standing in my own home, in the flesh. No, I chastised myself; this is nothing more than a dream....  
  
I reached out with the back of my hand and pressed it against her cheek.  
  
....A beautiful dream.  
  
Her was skin so pale and soft, almost porcelain. She looked like an angel, the way her auburn hair curled softly around her cheeks while her green eyes shimmered in the dim light. Nothing less than an angel, sent to me from Heaven. She had this presence of innocence about her. Like a child: sweet and blissfully happy.  
  
~~  
  
When you were here before,  
  
I couldn't look you in the eye.  
  
You're just like an angel  
  
Your skin makes me cry.  
  
~~  
  
I took a step closer and I could hear her breath quicken. I placed my palms on her bare shoulders, an inappropriate move on my part, I know, but there was something about her. Like she couldn't have cared what I did to her.  
  
I pulled her close to me, and she nuzzled her nose to my cheek for the slightest, yet most mesmerizing, moment. She looked up at me, and I noticed that her eyes were not only a deep green, but had flecks of ginger bursting from the center.  
  
Lucero was right: They were the most beautiful eyes I had ever seen.  
  
"Jesse," She breathed. Her eyes were still glossy as they remained fixed to mine. "It's been a long time." She let out a small, nervous chuckle.  
  
I hadn't the slightest clue what she could have been talking about (or how she knew my name), but, almost automatically, I felt a sense of belonging being with her.  
  
I pulled her lips to mine, ever so gently, and kissed her with such fervor I'd never felt before towards anyone or anything. It was like a blast of icy cool wind, as so many memories hit me at once. Thing I don't even remember experiencing just came to me, leaving me dumbfounded as she stepped back and she said, "Jesse, are you alright?"  
  
I scooped her back up into my arms, ignoring the stabbing pains, and smiled, taking in the sweet smell of her hair. The memories would be all I had if I were ever to wake from this dream. "Susannah, I am more than alright."  
  
~~  
  
A hundred days have made me older, since the last time that I saw your pretty face  
  
A thousand lies have made me colder and I don't think I can look at this the same  
  
But all the miles that separate  
  
They disappear now when I'm dreaming of your face  
  
I'm here without you baby but your still on my lonely mind  
  
I think about you baby and I dream about you all the time  
  
I'm here without you baby but your still with me in my dreams  
  
And tonight girl, there's only you and me  
  
~~  
  
(a/n: isn't that the perfect song? :-D)  
  
As I kissed her, I saw another I saw another light coming closer and Lucero appeared in my doorway. She took one look at me and Susannah, holding each other and her eyes went out of their sockets. She went and grabbed Susannah, pushing her out of my bedroom and into the courtyard.  
  
"You again!" She was hissing. "I thought we told you to leave? What are you doing to my brother!? Go, get out!" She chased her outside and came back in, sitting down next to me.  
  
"Jesse," she whispered. "What happened?" She had an arm around my shoulder and was leaning forward, trying to get me to bring my head up.  
  
"Lucero," I whispered, my head rising slowly. "It was her...."  
  
"Who?"  
  
I smiled. "It was Susannah...."  
  
__________  
  
A/N: Whew. Isn't Jesse the cutest!? Awwww *hugs him* Okay, hope you liked the chapter!!  
  
Whoa, you would not believe the other plan I had for this chapter. Utter craziness. Glad I'm not using that one... .teehee.... But I won't tell you what it is.  
  
Alright then. Thanks for reading! Please review! :-) 


	5. Nothing to fear, Nothing to doubt

A/N: Hey. I've just realized that this is the story I've been meaning to write ever since the beginning. It's coming rather easily. I'm glad you're reading :)  
  
Well, I am super mad. (this has nothing to do with the story) but I got permanant marker on my NEW pair of pants by accident and I tried to clean it off with something that said it could clean laundry but then it only made my NEW pants all spotty and bleached. CRAP CRAP CRAP MY PANTS!  
  
Grr... alright, I haven't really had much of a chance to write lately and I've been doing this at all different times, with little bits scattered about on different pages in my purple composition notebook.  
  
But here it is, finally. I hope you enjoy! :P  
  
____________________________________  
  
Even standing alone in the dark, while the girl spoke with Jesse in a strained voice inside, a slow grin crept across my face. It was him. It was Jesse. FINALLY. After all this time I'd lived thinking there was no hope I come to discover that Jesse is ALIVE. Sure, he hasn't the slightest clue who I am or where I came from, but at least he's here, right? It just proves that we were meant to be together. It was fate. Someone up there loves me!  
  
I could've screamed, I swear. I'd never been so happy in my life. This is probably why he left, to come back here, I bet. My heart was thudding dangerously fast, I was so happy I was trembling.   
  
God, could this really be him? Was I dreaming? If so, I never wanted to wake up. I wouldn't let myself wake up. This was too perfect to ever leave.  
  
I took a deep breath and slumped back against one of the thick adobe pillars that supported the de Silva's grand home. I looked up, and even in the deep darkness of the night, you could still make out the outline of the house, which seemed bigger than any home in Carmel even, and that was saying a lot. I can only imagined what it looked like compared to the other houses of this era.   
  
I was standing inside this huge courtyard like the one at my school, with a big, bubbling marble fountain in the center as well. There were big, flourishing flower beds trimming the walls and there were quite a few thick, oak doors that led into various rooms. One of them happened to be open and I caught sight of a lavishing crystal chandelier that hung over a giant woven rug. It blended just the right shades of orange and brown that it fit perfectly with the whole picturesque home. The whole place looked like it came straight from a Diego Rivera painting.  
  
It looked so inviting and serene, so empty and dark, that I couldn't help but take a step inside only to be welcomed by a huge, hanging portrait of what looked to be like the entire de Silva family. I gasped at the precise details that made up Jesse's smooth black hair and the same milky black eyes that stared down at me in a friendly way.  
  
There was an old man, stern and regal-looking man in the same pirate-y cowboyish attire that Jesse donned, who I assumed was Jesse's father. Holding his hand was a tall, elegant looking woman who sat upright and tried hard to look cold and serious, but you could see a sort of softness in her eyes. Behind them stood five girls, all raven-haired and with Jesse's same onxy eyes, presumably his sisters.  
  
I recognized the girl who looked the oldest as the girl who I first saw when I got here, the one who thought I was a hooker or something and then proceeded to run for her life. Yeah, she was Jesse's sister. And now she was in talking to him in there telling him about who knows what. But then a thought hit me: What if she warned him to stay away from me?  
  
Oh, God, I wouldn't let her do that. I turned around, trying to run back to stop her from ruining my chances at having Jesse but apparently she had the same idea. As soon as I turned around, I ran smack into her and she fell to the floor. I would have been alright, if she hadn't dragged me down with her by the arm.   
  
"Hijo de la gran puta!" She shrieked and muttered what sounded like a heap of other Spanish curses, only to clap her hand over her mouth shortly afterwords, her eyes wide.  
  
She stood up hastily, brushing imaginary clouds of dirt from her skirt. "What are you doing here?" The girl said as she shook her head. Her curls whipped around her face in all directions. "What do you want with my brother?" I extended a hand and she reluctantly helped me up.  
  
"I don't *want* anything, believe me. I don't even know how I got here." Honestly, I didn't. She was treating me like some sort of criminal when I was just lost. I calmly explained this to her but she wouldn't hear any of it.   
  
She didn't let go of my arm but instead pulled me outside and shoot the door behind us as quietly as she could. Then, looking at me directly in the eyes, she whispered, "Are you Susannah?"  
  
"Uh, yeah," I shifted my feet uncomfortably. Usually I'm not one to get nervous at all. But you should've seen this girl, she was pretty damn intimidating for a chick in a hoop-skirt, I tell you. What with those scary, somewhat-arched eyebrows and Spanish cursing and everything.  
  
"He's always talking about you," she mused, apparently over that little fiasco, while twisting a perfect black ringlet in her fingers. "Where did you come from anyway?"  
  
I sighed. "Look, I'm not from anywhere near here and I don't have a place to stay. Are you really going to just throw me out on the street? Come on, have some compassion."  
  
"She's right," Jesse's voice rang out from the dark. He walked up and rested an arm around his sister's shoulder. "Lucero, you cannot just kick her out like this. She has to stay somewhere. If not here, than where else?"  
  
Lucero looked outraged. "No way," she said, her arms crossed stubbornly in front of her. "Jesse, what will mother think? We can't just have soem strange woman you met on the street take up board in our home! It's just not acceptable." Jesse made this irrisistibly cute little pout at her which caused her to roll her eyes and sigh in defeat. "Fine, I have an idea. We will find you something decent to wear, and you can stay here the rest of the night. In the morning, I will take you to my good friend Rosa's house and you can stay there until you figure out how to get home."  
  
Despite the huge embarrassment factor, I smiled. "Thanks, you guys, I really appreciate it." God, I'd never felt so unwanted. I didn't really care where I stayed. I mean, if it was this huge problem for Jesse, I would go somewhere else. Heck, for Jesse, I'd live in a cave, or something.   
  
"Alright," Lucero grumbled. "Come with me, my dresses should fit you. You can't possibly show up at Rosa's home looking like *that*." I glared at her, my hands on my hips. That little *bitch*.  
  
She walked away, rolling her eyes. I began to follow her but as soon as she turned the corner, Jesse approached me, grabbed my wrist and pulled me closer to him. My heartbeat sped up merely upon feeling his soft fingers against my skin.   
  
"Susannah," he said, a little smile playing upon his face. "I can't help but get the feeling that we've met before."  
  
I cocked my head to the side, a little hurt, I must admit. What was he talking about? Was this a joke? "You mean you don't remember?"  
  
"Remember what, querida?" He said, his eyebrows knitting together. I could only open my mouth to ask him if it was really a joke, but didn't get the chance to when Lucero's snotty voice rang out from the dark, demanding that I get to her room right now or she'd go to bed and let her mother find me in the morning.  
  
I sighed, not really in the mood to feel the wrath of some over-protective nineteeth-century Spanish mother. I trudged reluctantly behind as Jesse led me into her room, where he waited outside the door politely. I shut the door and paced back and forth for a little bit while Lucero dug through some chests and big oak wardrobes until she pulled out a long, emerald green dress. Sure, it was a hoop-skirt but when in Rome... right?  
  
She put it in my arms saying, "You can put this one on. It's too big for me so I just figured it would fit you." My mouth hung open. Did she just say what I thought she just said?!  
  
I really would've taken a swing at her if I hadn't been distracted by the pure beauty of the gown she handed me. It was this really cute jade green, a black rose pattern about it with these tiny little pearls sewn into the bodice. The sleeves were ruffled slightly and they belled out a little, giving whoever wears it an angelic look.   
  
I turned to Lucero, who was still standing by her window, crossing her arms in fron of her. "Uh, do you mind?"   
  
She rolled her eyes and turned around, mumbling, "Dios, you think I'd actually like to see that...."  
  
I slipped out of the rest of my clothes and into the dress. Turning around to face the bronze, old fashion mirror that hung on her wall and took a long, thoughtful look at myself. I didn't look like THAT big of a shamrock.  
  
Kidding. Really. No, I must admit, I actually looked pretty good. It fit perfectly, brought out the green in my eyes, and even flattered my figure a little bit. All this from a hoop skirt! Who'd a thunk?  
  
She turned back around and looked at me from head to toe, her inky black eyebrows raised high up. She clicked her tongue for a second, tapping her foot, then went into another chest, retrieving a pair of black heels.   
  
I put them on, and then she smiled at me. "You look nice," She said simply, and I began to think that maybe there's a different side to Lucero. She might not be the heinous bitch she makes herself out to be, you know? We were the same age, so it was quite possible that we could get along….maybe.  
  
I fixed my hair in the mirror and opened the door. Jesse immediately straightened up when he saw us. He ran his fingers though his hair, looking utterly adorable. "Wow," he breathed, his eyes wide. "You look beautiful."   
  
I blushed as he held his arm out, I slipped mine inside of his, and led me out to the back through a floral adorned archway. I looked over my shoulder and smiled at Lucero, who was chuckling a little. Actually, she was pretty cool not to go running to her mother to tell about me and Jesse.   
  
We sat together on a little swinging bench, right smack in the middle of this gorgeous, blooming garden. Roses, Azaleas, Daisies, Chrysanthemums, Pansies and more bursted as the sun rose over the tiled roof of the pale orange house. It was perfect, being there with Jesse. I wanted nothing more than to stay there by Jesse's side forever. I didn't need Paul; not anymore.  
  
___________________________  
  
JESSE'S POV-  
  
I couldn't help but let out an overwhelmed gasp when Susannah came out of that room, truly looking like an angel sent from heaven. A pale, ethereal glow radiated from her as she smiled at me, an innocent, bashful smile. Her eyes glittered, reflecting the bright green dress she was wearing.  
  
I walked up to her, smiling shyly as she slipped her arm in mine. "Wow, y-you look beautiful," I said in a strangled voice, sounding like a stuttering fool and nothing like myself. This is what she did to me! Every time I was around her I became flushed, fumbled around for things, always tripping over my words. Why?  
  
(a/n: notice how Jesse thinks of himself and how Suze sees him….)   
  
I walked her into the backyard. It was the most beautiful place in the house, with exotic flowers and trees blooming all around. And in the center was a great, handcrafted swing my father had made for the girls. They loved it, always fawning over this new tree or the hummingbirds that had found a new home in our garden.The place seemed to have the same effect on Susannah that it had on all my sisters because she gasped and actually covered her mouth with one hand.  
  
I sat down on the swing and she joined me after a few seconds. I sat down with one leg underneath me and she tried to as well, but kept grabbing fistfuls of the skirt and tossing them aside, frustrated, only to put it back and groan.  
  
I chuckled, reaching out and pushing a piece of hair from her eyes. I just had this fascination with them. Her eyes, that is. They were such a deep, irresistible green that once I looked into them, I couldn't get them off of my mind. Their beauty almost took my breath away.  
  
I took her hands in mine, running my thumb over her fingers softly. We smiled at each other until I said, "Susannah, even before you came here, I'd have dreams of you all the time."  
  
She laughed a little then leaned forward, wrapping her arms around my neck. "I've missed you so much, Jesse," she said into my collar.   
  
I held her tighter against my chest, my hands finding a place in the small of her back. "Susannah, it seems like there's this… unspoken attraction between us, though I've never met you before in my life."  
  
I could see the utter confusion in her eyes as they became a little glossy. She wiped at them and said, in a hurt voice, "God, Jesse, are you really telling me that you don't remember *anything*?"  
  
I laughed a little and went, "I haven't the slightest clue what you're talking about, querida." To my surprise, Susannah stood up suddenly, throwing my hands back into my lap. And like that, the moment was shattered.  
  
"JESSE, HOW COULD YOU NOT REMEMBER?!" She was so loud, I had to put my fingers to my lips in an attempt to quiet her down, or she'd wake the whole house, I'm sure. "WAS IT REALLY THAT UNIMPORTANT?!"  
  
"Susannah… what did I do wrong? What happened?" I stood up and ran my fingers through my hair, frustrated. Then I took cautious steps closer and closer until I had her wrapped in a hug. Her breathing slowed as she hiccupped into my shoulder. I must say, I handled it pretty well. But I'd also had a lot of practice, having five sisters. They had these sorts of mood-swings all the time and I, being the older brother, was the natural person to comfort them besides our mother.  
  
"It's… well, it really hurts me that everything has meant so much to me and you don't remember a thing that happened," she sniffled. "Now, I know you can't help it and everything but still, it's a big bummer, you know?"  
  
I knitted my brow, confused. "Bummer?"  
  
She shook her head, "Forget it," It was already well past dawn and the roosters were crowing, clucking their way around our feet. I could hear our servants beginning to wake and knew that Susannah and I only had a few more minutes to be alone.   
  
She looked deep into my eyes, searching me. "Jesse, what did Paul do to you?" Her voice was on the verge of sobs, shaking a little. I felt a surge of anger rush through my veins, she sounded so hurt. I was fuming. Not only over the fact that someone could find it in them to hurt someone as innocent as Susannah, but over the possibility that there was another man in her life. The possibility that she didn't get the same feeling of intense fervor and emotion towards me than I did everytime I saw her.   
  
Why was I even thinking thoughts like this? I'd barely met the girl only a few hours ago, and here I was with these feelings of great infatuation for her. I'd never felt like this toward anyone before. What was happening to me? Why was I feeling like this?  
  
I stood up, and began walking around aimlessly, running my fingers through my hair. I couldn't possibly be falling in love with her... not so soon, could I? I couldn't let myself, because, well, my parents hold the final decision on who I marry and I highly doubt that they will allow me to wed a girl who appeared mysteriously in my bedroom one night.  
  
As I began to turn around, a bright red budding rose caught my eye. It was the only one that had bloomed so far in the great bush full of pale green buds. A smile broke out on my face as I took out a small knife I carried, and sliced the rose, stem and all, from the bush.   
  
It was beautiful, just like my querida, Heaven on earth.  
  
SUZE'S POV--  
  
I stood up, wondering what Jesse could be doing so quietly back there when he walked up behind me. He came up, putting his chin right on my shoulder as he pushed my hair away gently. And slowly, I could see as he pulled a deep crimson rose from behind his back, clasping the long stem between his fingers. His lips brushed softly against my ear as he whispered, "A rose for a rose." And kissed my neck softly.  
  
I closed my eyes and inhailed sharply, my breath dangerously jagged. With a crooked smile, I turned around and faced him, opening my mouth, ready to confess my complete and undying love for him, but his eyes were wide with horror, and I was afraid that A. I'd somehow missed a huge chunk of Spinach as I was brushing my teeth last night B. There was a huge and oozing zit right between my eyes or C. Jesse'd realized what a complete LOSER I am and was trying to think of an excuse to leave without hurting my feelings.  
  
But it turned out to be none of those because I followed Jesse's gaze, and saw Lucero, running toward us and holding her skirt up out of the mud with her hands. "Mother woke up," She panted, "and she can't see you two together like this. Come, Susannah, we must leave quickly."  
  
She gripped my wrist tightly and pulled me deep into a forest path. We inadvertently kicked up clouds of dust beneath our feet as we ran, and held our skirts up like true girls, trying to stay spotless and not tarnish our new dresses. Once we were a safe distance from the great de Silva mansion, Lucero stepped in front of me and, when I tried to get around her, refused to move out of the way.  
  
"Susannah," she sighed. "What do you want with my brother, huh? Did you meet him when he went to San Fransisco with my father? He... he really likes you, more than you can know."   
  
I blushed, "It's a really, really long story, Lucero and the chances that you'll believe me are, like, nil."  
  
She was clearly confused by my modern lingo, but seemed to get the message. "No," she shook her head. "I'd really like to know." I sighed, figuring that she was bound to find out sooner or later. So I told her everything. Everything from Paul to the mysterious dreams I'd been having lately that ultimately led me here.  
  
She listened quietly the whole time, nodding and commenting in all the right spots and, when I was finally done, she was smiling. "It's just like Jesse to do that," she laughed. "He's always been a hopeless romantic."   
  
I smiled, "You know, Lucero, you're not that bad."  
  
PAUL'S POV:  
  
I was chatting with Kelly Prescott, her girlfriends, and the rest of the guys at lunch, just minding my business, leaning up against the monkey bars. Jason tossed me a bag of chips and I opened them eagerly, tossing a few into my mouth. Suze wasn't at school that day, but I figured she just wasn't feeling well. I mean, she hadn't looked all that great last night.   
  
I'd turned around to talk to Kelly's pal, Angie, and she was grinning broadly at a joke I'd just told when I'd heard snickers echoing from the group and Jason tapping me on the shoulder. I spun around and made a face. Suze's friend, Cee Cee, was running toward me frantically, her violet eyes wide in alarm. It was more than embarassing, didn't this chick know that I couldn't be seen with girls like her? Not in public, anyway....  
  
She kneeled over in front of me and then put both of her hands on my shoulders. The guy's laughter only grew louder. I coughed, "Uh, Cee Cee, right? What is it?" Alex and Jeff began making rather rude comments about her abnormally pale skin, and Cee Cee only rolled her eyes at them.  
  
"Paul," she said, her breathe heavy. "This isn't a joke…. Suze's parents…. They woke up this morning, went into Suze's room, and she was just lying there, barely breathing. They don't know what's wrong, just rushed her to the hospital. Her brother, David, just told me."  
  
I felt the blood drain from my face: colorless. The dull thudding sound of my books against the floor. The laughter grew quieter and I froze.   
  
Suze. Was. Hurt.  
  
A/N: Whoa. I felt that was longer than usual... yes? Well, I hope you liked it, PLEASE REVIEW! :) Love ya. 


	6. You're Living In A Fantasy World

A/N: Hey! How's it going? I'm glad you're still reading and this is a shorter chapter than the rest. I hope Italics is working now because it didn't before and it'd help a lot with the Spanish and stuff. lol You can tell I went a little overboard with it hehehe.

Well, I hope you like it. :-)

SUZE'S POV--

Lucero and I walked around to the backdoor of Rosa's house, tiptoeing around plants that looked suspiciously like Poison Oak until we found ourselves at a back window. There wasn't any glass, but thick, iron bars in a flowery pattern blocking any intruders from entering.   
  
Lucero put her finger to her lips, telling me to hush, then leaned up against the wall and stuck her hand into the house, knocking on the wall as loud as she could, which wasn't very loud considering that this was Adobe. After realizing that no one would hear her that way, she bent over and picked up a stone off the ground. While I watched from around the corner, she hit it hard against the iron bars, but just soft enough so that no one would get suspicious.   
  
After a moment's knocking, a tall, thin woman walked into the room. She, too, was wearing a big, flowery hoopskirt, and soft pink gloves on her arms. Her back was toward us and she appeared to be digging through a bag on her desk. Lucero then groaned softly and actually threw the rock inside so that it hit the desk she was leaning up against. I put my hand to my mouth, stifling a laugh.

Rosa squealed and turned around. Seeing her good friend at the window instead of some rugged cowboy, the look in her eyes quickly changed from one of surprise to a look of anger, or possibly disappointment.   
  
She rushed over to the window, her heals clicking on the tiled floor and her dress dragging beneath her. "Lucero," she cried in a thick Spanish accent. "Is that you?"  
  
"Yes," Lucero hissed. "Now will you just let me in before someone sees us?" Rosa nodded and disappeared into the hallway, emerging later from the side door, letting us walk swiftly through the hallway and into her bedroom.   
  
I wandered inside, my arms crossed tightly in front of me. Rosa spoke to Lucero in whispered, exasperated Spanish as she leaned forward and picked up a silver mirror and pushed a dark curl out of her eyes.   
  
"_Quiero que me hagas un favor. Esta muchacha no tiene adonde que ir y no familia_," she declared, picking up a hair brush and running it through her silky black mane. "This girl does not have where to go and does not have family._ Ella no puede permanecer con mí porque Hector vive con nosotros_. We can't live with me because my brother is there."  
  
Rosa nodded slowly. Clearly, she wasn't understanding what we wanted her to. "_Y que quieres que yo hago_?" She asked, one eyebrow raised. "What do you want me to do?"   
  
Lucero turned around, a bored look on her face. "Well, I want her to stay here with you of course." I smiled from the corner. It was so nice that she was willing to go through ALL this trouble, just so I wouldn't end up living on the streets or something. I'd really developed a sincere appreciation for this girl, you know?  
  
Rosa's mouth dropped open and she shook her head. "Absolutely not! _Sabes que mi papa me va a matar_!" She cried in disgust, but then observed me quietly for a second. "She seems really nice and everything, Lucero, but you know she can't stay here."  
  
Okay. So as you can see, it would take more than a little persuasion to get Rosa to give in, but after some serious groveling on both of our parts, she finally sighed with defeat, telling us she'd talk to her Grandparents (who she lived with) about it. Lucero got really excited at this point, saying that she was positive Rosa's grandparents would allow me to stay with her.  
  
And sure enough, they did. The only room they had left was a very small one that used to belong to a servant of theirs, I was told, with only a small cot and a table with a candle. So it wasn't the luxury suite I would've liked during my stay in the all-popular tourist spot, nineteeth-century Carmel, California, but it was decent. At least I would have a roof over my head. Granted, it'd be a very_ small_ roof, atop a _very_ small room, and I'd be sleeping in a _very small_ bed, but it would do. It'd have to.   
  
Rosa's grandmother was a real sweetheart. She was an old, tired looking woman but had such a warm smile. Wrinkles carved into her dark brown skin and her hands looked over worked and gnarled. Yet she was very kind to us girls, understanding everything Lucero explained to her.   
  
Her voice was soft and crackling as she said, "I remember when I was your age. By then, I was married to your grandfather, Rosa. We were very much in love and I know those feelings that you get when you're that age. You love this person more than anything, you can't spend a day without thinking of them." I smiled, recognizing these as the exact feelings I felt toward Jesse.   
  
We sat around her on Rosa's bed, her grandmother sitting in the middle. Rosa sat by her legs and her grandma was braiding her long, black hair, smiling as she spoke of her childhood for what could have been hours but only felt like minutes. The stories only got more interesting the longer we listened, making me forget about everything I'd endured that whole day. It all seemed kind of worthwhile, listening to this one woman's little piece of history.   
  
Eventually Lucero had to go home, since it was getting late, but Rosa and I insisted on walking back with her to meet her sisters. We had to trample through this small field to get back to her home, and Lucero assured us it was a shortcut. While they treaded forward, I stopped in the middle, my head tilted toward the sky.

It glowed a deep, indescribable violet with stars twinkling above. Millions and millions of them. I'd never seen so many in my entire life. Maybe it was because there was no light pollution here, but it was the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen.  
  
I even recognized a few constellations, the ones Jesse had been trying to teach me. Orion, the hunter, and Taurus, the bull. I smiled to myself in the dark at having remembered all of that.

We'd be sitting on the roof, and my head would rest on his shoulder as he pointed up into the heavens, naming the stars and constellations as he went along. Though, according to me, I wasn't really listening. All I could think of was how perfect that moment was and how great it was that I'd met such a perfect guy who was smart and hot. Not once during that time did the reality that he was a ghost cross my mind. Not even for a second. I was just lost in the moment.

The girls called me from near the house, waving me over. I smiled as I picked up the bottom of my skirt and followed them inside.  
  
Okay. So you all know I don't scare easily. I mean, I could battle a pack of vengeful ghosts in the middle of the ocean, or exorcise an angry, suicidal ghost, or even be alone in a car, in the middle of nowhere, with a murderer and barely break a sweat. (Alright, not literally.) But, I swear, when I saw her standing there, her lips pursed and her hands on her hips, my blood went cold in my veins.   
  
"W-what's she d-doing here?" I choked.   
  
JESSE'S POV--  
  
"Hey Jesse," Will said, hitting me on the shoulder. I was in the town's general store, picking up some supplies for the ranch, when I ran into Will Hanson, a good friend of mine.

He was from out east. Missouri, actually. A real cowboy, my sisters always say. But then again, they are always sighing and acting very shy around him, fascinated by his bright blonde hair and radiant blue eyes, even though he has a girlfriend.

Will moved to California last year when he heard about the gold rush. He'd only made a small fortune in the end, but he was just thankful that he hadn't lost anything or even broken even, like so many others had. But for him, it was enough to buy a small home around this area and start a small ranch for himself.   
  
"How's it goin'?" he laughed, picking up a box of cigars and reading the back of it.   
  
"Ah, I've been okay," I said with a grim face as I followed Will to the front of the store. "Up until last night, that is."  
  
This suddenly sparked Will's interest because as he was paying I began to walk out the front door, but he jumped in front of me and put a hand on my shoulder and went, "Wait, Jesse, what? What happened last night, I mean?"

(a/n: lol Lolly this reminds me of you lol)  
  
I laughed dryly and pushed him aside, keeping my eyes averted to the ground."Will, you wouldn't believe me if I told you."   
  
"No," he called, following closely behind. "Tell me, Jesse. I'm your friend, I promise I won't think you're crazy." I turned around and he was grinning broadly. I didn't see what was so funny. I honestly didn't.  
  
His grin faded as soon as he saw the look on my face. "Aw, come on Jesse don't be that way. Tell me what's going on, that's all I want to know." And boy, did he ever want to know. I swear, Will reminds me of my little four-year-old sister sometimes instead of a full grown man in his twenties, he's so stubborn. The whole way back to my house, he would not stop talking about it, and insisted I tell him what was wrong with me.  
  
I stopped halfway there, ignoring his pleas, and walked down to a small stream that ran through the area. Once near the water, I took a seat on a rock under a bridge and picked up a smooth, silver stone, tossing it across the water. I watched through squinted eyes as it skipped along the clear water and made small splashes. Will joined me a second later, a thick, brown cigar held tightly between his teeth.   
  
A puff of smoke drifted up into the air as he looked at me, his eyes twinkling a bright blue. "Look, I'm sorry. If you don't want to talk about it then let's not talk about it. "  
  
I chuckled. "Yeah, thanks," I said, nodding more than a few times. It was silent for a second except for the soft chirping in the tree above us and an occassional plop as Will tossed a few pebbles into the stream.  
  
The silence was so unbearable for a second that I muttered, "Oh, what the hell. Actually, Will, there is a problem." His face lit up and a sly smile spread slowly across his face.   
  
"Hey," he said, punching me across the shoulder playfully. "Hey, hey. So, what's it about, Jesse? Uh, your parents, your sisters... A girl?" He paused for a second and looked at me. "It is about a girl, isn't it?" He laughed bis trademark, loud infectious laugh.  
  
"Her name is Susannah," I confessed. Will's eyebrows raised higher. "I met her last night. I know it sounds strange, but, well... I feel like I've met her before, Will. It's strange, since I just met her, but I really care about this girl."  
  
Will let out a long, low whistle. "You got it bad my friend. Real bad."  
  
"Yes, well, there is really nothing I can do about it. My parents would never accept her." I shook my head, defeated. "It's late, so I guess I should be leaving. I will see you later, _amigo. Adios_."  
  
I got to my feet and walked up the jagged rocks. From there, it only took about five minutes to get back home and, thankfully, Will didn't bombard me with as many questions as I thought he would and only followed behind, silent and respectful. That is, at least, until we got back to my home.  
  
I knew from the small train of horses standing restlessly in front of the house that my father was home. I walked faster only to be caught in the arms of an old woman, who squealed pleasantly in Spanish as she pulled my face to her lips, planting several big kisses on my face. I heated up and turned a deep, deep shade of red.

It was my aunt. She must have come back with my father from his trip. My uncle was also here. But that meant that if they were here, then--

Will let out another long, low whistle, scratching his head. He pointed forward, saying, "Whoa, Jesse, that her? Is that Susannah?"

I shook my head wildly. "No," I whispered, baffled. "That's my cousin.... Maria."

A/N: Alrighty then. I know it was shorter than the others but I was kinda stuck and just wanted to get something posted. Alright?

Okay, and Paul's POV is coming up soon, don't worry. The next chapter. Review?

333


	7. No Alarms and No Surprises, Please

A/N: Whoa. THANKS FOR ALL THE REVIEWS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YEAH I LOVE YOU GUYS TOO MUCH lol. Gah, I love writing this story so much lol more than anything. I've said that like 50 thousand times already lol, haven't I?  
  
You seemed to have had a lot to say this time and, well, a lot of it being that you wanted to hear Paul's POV. Anyhoo, I decided to reply to some of these personally, alright? Cool.

Lolly: Eww Elsie Cowell??! lol your blood??.... okay, whatever you say. oh and I was talking about how you just HAD to know about that whole 'die die' thing. LOL "Time of my Life"???? haha your brother sounds.... interesting lol...

Nice Hayley: :-) Ah, no problem about the translations I'm glad they helped.

Esodes08: lol I don't like Maria much either. Eh, and I don't know about Jesse and Susannah fluff right now because there's a lot of other fluff going on but when there is, it will be very fluffy.

Saz-646: Aw, thank you! :-)

Purtymanagirl58: Yeah, I tried to make it as long as I could. Paul's pov, that is. And I'm glad you like the story XD

And thanks to the others. Really you guys brighten my day lol.

Oh and a little warning, there is a lot of swearing in this chapter because everyone is either really pissed off or really surprised. And, well, 16 year olds tend to swear when they are either of the two, okay? So if you can't read that then don't. But nothing worse than you'd hear in any PG-13 movie. I think. If you think it's too bad just let me know and I can change this to R or whatever.  
  
And, if you're a Suze/Paul fan, the Suze/Paul romance is kinda.... well, over.

Kind of. There might be a few fluffy moments later or maybe not. I'm not so sure yet.

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PAUL'S POV--  
  
I shifted my weight underneath my feet nervously, waiting for some more news from the doctors. They had been keeping us waiting for hours. Meanwhile, we were all finding our own little ways to pass the time, whether they were productive or not. I, myself, had spent a fair amount of my time at the hospital pacing back and forth in front of the waiting room.   
  
Mr. Ackerman held his his wife in a tight, supportive hug while she dabbed at the little black rivers that ran down her face with a tissue. Cee Cee chatted quietly with David and Adam, who had only arrived minutes ago. He had his hands on hers as she rung a tissue between her fingers. Little white shreds of paper scattered the floor near her feet. Father Dominic, who arrived with Adam, spoke to Suze's brothers. Jake was listening intently, barely blinking, while Brad rolled his eyes after every other sentence and eventually went back to his magazine.   
  
Father Dominic was saying something about Faith. All we had to do was believe that Suze would get better and pray for her to get better. And soon she would be. Better, I mean. Just like that. But who really believed that?  
  
I actually prided myself in not believing all that bullshit. It didn't work for my grandmother. We spent every hour of every freaking day at her side, in the hospital, praying. But she didn't make it, did she? No. So why should it be any different for Suze?  
  
I understood what I had to do here. If I wanted to get Suze back, I had to act fast. Because I knew something that all of the others didn't: Suze wasn't sick. She wasn't sick at all. What was wrong was something completely different. I wasn't sure what, but I had a strong feeling that it had something to do with her messing around in the Shadowland when she wasn't supposed to.   
  
I knew from the very moment I walked in. The doctor was shaking his head, his pasty-white face grim. "I'm very sorry, Mrs. Ackerman. It's always hard for us to reveal this kind of news but... Well, your daughter is deteriorating rather quickly... and...."  
  
Mrs. Ackerman's hands lashed out, her talons digging into his shoulders. "What do you mean!? Is she going to be okay? How could this happen? She was just fine!!" She yelled so loud, causing everyone to crane their neck and see what was going on. Andy put his finger to his lips in an attempt to quiet her down but she was hysterical. I walked away as other nurses rushed to her side, offering her water or a seat. She was unconsolable.  
  
But she also had a point: Suze was just fine. So how could something like this have happened? Because, of course, she was perfectly healthy the night before so something obviously went wrong. And I knew exactly what. So while the nurses were busy trying to tame Mrs. Ackerman, who was thrashing about now, I slipped through the double-doors that separated the waiting room from Suze's hallway, and into room 103.   
  
I looked at her laying there. The same innocent, beautiful Suze laying there looking almost lifeless. I gasped sharply and, with a pained face, I walked to her bedside, pulling up a chair. Her auburn hair was tangled and matted to her damp forehead. I pushed it away and kissed her forehead softly. She remained still. Only her chest rose slowly and in short, jagged breathes that looked extremely painful. Everytime she exhaled, her face scrunched up and she whimpered softly. Like a small, wounded animal.  
  
I couldn't let her live like this, in pain. But on the other hand, I had to find a way to let her live, period. I wouldn't let her back out on us now. I had to take action.  
  
Gently, I took her pale, fragile hand inside my own and whispered, "Suze. Suze, can you hear me?" Into her ear, leaning forward so that my face was hovering just inches above hers. I got to take a good long look at her, then and she looked nothing like the Suze I knew and loved. Not with that endless maze of tubes and wires plaguing her body.  
  
Then, out of nowhere, "NOOO!!" She screamed, her eyes still shut. Her back was arched high and her fists clenched into tight balls.   
  
"Holy shit!!" I shouted in alarm, flying backwards and nearly knocking over the curtain that separated us from the other patient. My heart was drumming furiously and threatening to come out of my chest. What the hell!?  
  
Her arms began trashing about in every direction as she shouted curses and names and words I could not even understand. But one word was very, very clear:   
  
"JESSE!!"  
  
My knees almost gave out upon hearing his name. Jesse. Why the fuck was she calling Jesse's name, huh? I got rid of that asshole a long time ago!  
  
I rushed up and grabbed her forearms, pinning them down to the bed forcefully, and then moving one hand so it was covering her mouth. It was the only obvious thing to do to keep her quiet and still. Her breathing slowly returned back to normal and I pulled my hand off her mouth as her eyes fluttered open.  
  
She blinked at me a few times, her face contorted in a look of confusion. Then she whispered, "Jesse.... Where's Jesse?" Her green eyes widened in horror as she whipped her head around. "Where am I?"  
  
"Suze," I said, struggling to find my voice. "You--"  
  
But I got cut off as a doctor and a few nurses burst into the room. One of the nurses yelled at me for being in there and angrily pushed me out as another nurse injected a shot into Suze's arm when she started shouting for me to come back.  
  
As soon as I stepped out of the room, Jake grabbed the side of my shirt and pulled me off to the side and hissed, "Paul what the hell were you doing in there with my sister? Come on, they won't even let her own MOTHER inside! What the hell makes you think that you have the fucking right to just walk right in like you own the fucking place, Paul?" He pushed me backward by the shoulder, shaking his head incredulously.  
  
Alright I was getting pissed now. Suze was talking about Jesse. She wasn't shouting my name, or calling for me to hold her like I would have hoped, but she was asking where Jesse was. JESSE. That chick-stealing no-good son of a bitch! What could he have that I didn't?? For God's sake I'm ALIVE! Isn't that enough?  
  
"Jake." I said in a low, angry growl, "you have know idea what's really going on so I suggest you stay out of it." Then, because he was really pissing me off, I stepped up so that I was right in front of his face and went. "And don't you dare telling anyone about what just happened, Ackerman, because I have more say in Suze's recovery than you think. I'm in control here, Jake. Complete control. You don't want to get me angry."   
  
I hit my shoulder against his as I walked away casually, as if we'd just bumped into eachother at the store, my hands in my jacket pockets. Oh, Jake had no idea who he had just messed with. If he thought I was just another guy Suze was dating, then he was wrong. He didn't have a clue what kind of power I really had over Suze in her state. Now that I knew that she wasn't really sick, I knew exactly where to find her.   
  
I was the only one who could bring her back, but did I really want to?

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(a/n: lol suze sounds kinda ditzy here shrugs hey i was half asleep and kinda sick.... aw mel gibson's cute!!! :D:D lol okay... the story i know....) 

SUZE'S POV--  
  
Have you ever heard of out of body experiences?   
  
I was watching TLC once and there was this show on OBE's. It's supposedly where a person's spirit has left their body and sort of... floats around in another place for a while before returning back to their body. In most cases, people have OBE's before death. A little weird, you say? Yeah, well I'm a sixteen-year-old who can speak to ghosts and has just traveled back in time to be with her ghostly boyfriend. There aren't many things that _really_ freak me out, you know.  
  
Still. I can honestly say I thought I had one of those when I walked over and saw Maria. Not that I had almost died (though it kind of felt like it) but I kind of blacked out for a few seconds. Like I had gotten sudden tunnel vision... except that there was no light at the end of that tunnel. For a long time. Or at least it seems that way. I don't know. But when I could see again, I was in a blinding white room.   
  
It really freaked me out for a second because, well, okay I'll admit it: I thought I had died and gone to Heaven. Silly, I know. But you would have had to come up with some explanation, too, if you found yourself in an all white room with a hot guy hovering above you. At least I'm pretty sure he was hot; my vision was still really fuzzy, you see.   
  
Er, no pun intended.  
  
So anyway, all I remember was this shaking and commotion and screaming... like in the Exorcist or something. You know where the bed is spinning, or whatever? Anyway, then I just felt a sharp pain around my arms, a lot of pressure, then a sharp pinprick and then everything was black again. And you must understand, when I say black I don't mean woohoo-new-dress-shoes-black or punk-kid's-nailpolish-black but _real_ black. Threatening. Endless. Menacing. Dangerous. Just darkness. I have to admit, that kind of darkness never failed to scare the shit out of me.   
  
Then the picture slowly began to return and once again I was standing in front of the de Silva's home, watching through far away, glossy eyes as Maria hugged Jesse's sisters affectionately. I'd only just realized that I was holding both Lucero's and Rosa's hands. Very tightly, at that.   
  
"Susannah," Lucero grumbled, nudging me in the side. "Um , my hand... please?" I smiled a little and let go. "Susannah, are you feeling well? You look so... pale...."  
  
"Y-yeah." I muttered, letting go of their hands, embarassed. "Uh, look I really should be going. You guys have company, right? Ha ha, yes, okay I'll see you later then." I stammered as I rushed past them and down the street. I wasn't sure where I was going to crash and didn't really have a place in mind. Maybe, oh, I don't know.... my own bed maybe? Yeah, that would be nice, wouldn't it? Just kidding. That wasn't a possiblility. But as long as it was nowhere near here, I'd be fine.   
  
But, right then, that didn't really look like much of an option seeing as how there wasn't a thing I recognized and there didn't seem to be another house around for miles. Anyway, I didn't have to run far because Lucero and Rosa followed me there, calling my name.  
  
"Susannah," Rosa gasped. "_Que te pasa?_ What's wrong with you?"  
  
I sighed. a big, heavy, burdened sigh. "Nothing. I just... I don't really like that girl...." I muttered so that even I barely heard me.   
  
"Who?" Lucero said, grabbing my arm and leading me back to her house. "Maria? What could you possibly have against my cousin Maria? She's one of the nicest young women you could ever meet, Susannah."  
  
I snorted loudly. Maria, nice? Yeah, if nice meant you like to off hot Latino guys that you were engaged to, just so you can marry your slave-driving lover, then sure, Maria was _real_ nice.  
  
"Come on," Lucero begged, dragging me forward. "She's a beautiful girl with many fun stories to tell, I am sure you will love her." I let out something that sounded like a mix between a whimper and a laugh and followed the girls reluctantly.  
  
Rosa gave Maria a short hug and then pushed me forward. "_Esta es mi amiga, Susannah_," Rosa said, grinning. "This is my friend, Susannah. We've told her all about you, Maria, and she is very excited to meet you."   
  
I smiled sarcastically and held my hand out. "Hi, Maria," I recited, my hand still stretched out in front of me. She noticed it and slipped a slender hand inside of mine, the other holding a lavender-colored parasol. She fluttered her thick, long lashes.   
  
"Hola, Susannah." She cooed and then, looking over my shoulder, went, "_Ay, Hector como estas?"_ And skipped on over to stand in front of Jesse, who looked considerably surprised to see his cousin. She curtsied politely and Jesse, like a nice gentleman, grabbed her gloved hand and gave it a small, polite kiss.   
  
I swear, if I didn't know that Jesse had no feelings whatsoever toward Maria, then I would have gone all _Hulk_ on them both. Really, I couldn't even stand seeing Jesse give this girl a simple kiss on the hand, which was kind of standard when you met a lady back then. If I couldn't watch that, they what was I going to do when Maria and Jesse got ma---  
  
HOLY SHIT.   
  
It had just hit me:  
  
THIS IS THE PART WHERE JESSE GETS ENGAGED TO MARIA!   
  
Jesse's dad had brought Maria and her family with him because THEY WERE GOING TO GET MARRIED.   
  
_SHIT.  
_  
And sure enough, Jesse's and Maria's dad were herding them into the living room, most likely to give them the news that they were engaged. Oh, God, what was I going to do now?

IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII

(a/n: Tio means 'Uncle' if you didn't know. And Tia means aunt. If you were confused about the last part, Suze did wake up although she didn't remember much of what happened during the time she was awake. Then, after the shot, she just kinda went back to the past, alright? Just wanted to clear that up since Purtymanagirl asked. There was really no place to actually put that in the story.) 

JESSE'S POV--  
  
"We have some great news," My Tio Alberto said, his hands clasped together excitedly.   
  
Maria's mother was holding Maria's hands in hers, grinning broadly. Maria, herself, looked nervous but had a pleasant, satisfied smile on her face. This must have been some awfully good news since everyone seemed to be very excited and they were all dressed in their very best clothes. The servants had given everyone a tall glass full of the finest red wine for a toast. _Dios, please don't let this be what I think it will be...._  
  
I swallowed hard. "_Si, Tio_?"   
  
My father laughed a great, loud laugh and clapped me on the shoulder. "Jesse, _mijo_, your uncle and I have found you a wonderful wife. She is a beautiful, intellegent young woman who can give you many sons and a good, steady home."  
  
My stomach was churning dangerously and all I could think of was Susannah. _Dios mio_, I had told her that I loved her only last night. I can't just show up and be engaged to a different woman the next day! What would she think of me? I will lose her trust forever.  
  
"Who is this woman?" I asked with a false, confident smile. "She sounds wonderful, padre."  
  
He nodded, beaming, while our mothers and the other women tittered and whispered to each other. "Hector, I'd like you to meet your future wife: Maria."  
  
Even Maria wasn't expecting it. The fine, crystal glass she was holding slipped out of her hand and onto the floor, breaking into millions of tiny shards, each reflecting Maria's genuinely stunned expression. The thick, red liquid coated the floor and formed puddles around our feet. I didn't flinch.  
  
I'd had a feeling it would be Maria. No, I knew it would be her, but I wouldn't let myself believe it until I actually heard it for certain. But now that I have, I couldn't be more surprised. And, apparently, neither could Maria. It was clear that neither of us wanted to be married now, at such a young age. Especially to each other. But we didn't have much of a choice, seeing as how our parents were absolutely elated over the fact that their children were engaged.   
  
By the time my mind wandered back to where it was supposed to be, the servants and our mothers had already finished fussing over the broken glass and everyone was looking at me expectantly as Maria held out her hand and blinked at me from underneath her long black eyelashes.   
  
I kissed her hand softly, and then slipped the large, diamond ring my father had given me earlier from my pocket. Slowly and hesitantly, I slipped in onto her slender ring finger and said, in the most regal, confident voice I could muster, "Maria Teresa de Silva, _te casas con migo_?"  
  
(a/n: That's 'will you marry me' for those slower folks lol. aw, just kidding)  
  
While the rest of her smiled and nodded, whispering "Yes, Hector, I will." In a soft, breathy voice, I could see the sadness in her eyes. She didn't want to do this and neither did I. Now I had to give up my Querida. How was I going to explain this to her?  
  
"It's settled then," My mother said as she clapped her hands together. "Vamos a tener una gran fiesta esta noche. We'll have a big party tonight, kids. To celebrate your enagement." She and my aunt stood up suddenly and scurried away, chatting and whispering, mapping out our futures.   
  
I gulped as my father cleared his throat and stood up. "Alberto and I will leave these two alone to talk." And then they both left us alone with an uncomfortable silence plaguing the room.   
  
Maria's face was indecisive as she bit her bottom lip. I put my hands in the pocket of my jeans and clicked my toungue, looking around the room.   
  
"Hector," Maria said suddenly, taking my hands in hers. "You know I despise this whole wedding idea just as much as you do. I propose we do something about it, Hector."  
  
I shook my head. "That's out of the question. You saw how excited they were for us, Maria. I do not think there is much we can do except to accept their decision and get married. I... guess it could work out... if we try." I said, shrugging.  
  
Maria looked absolutely miserable. Nothing like a future bride should. Although I can't say I was any happier. I'd barely ever seen Maria more than a few times. How do they expect me to wed a woman that I barely know?   
  
But Susannah... oh, she was a different story. I'll admit that I do not know her very well, but there was this attraction between us that made up for all the years that we didn't know each other exsisted.   
  
Maria's mother came in a few seconds later and gave me another hug, congratulating me, and then swept Maria off to get her ready for tonight's big party. I sulked out of the living room and ran into Lucero, Rosa and Susannah waiting by the door for me.   
  
"Contratulations, Jesse," Rosa and Lucero murmered, half-smiling at me. I locked eyes with Susannah for a moment and smiled but she looked away quickly.  
  
"Thanks," I said. Susannah's arms were crossed in front of her chest and she wouldn't look at me. The girls noticed this and nudged her in the side.  
  
"Oh, yeah congratulations, Jesse," She said in the most obvious sarcastic tone. "I hope you and that freaking bitch Maria are very happy together." She shot me a venomous glare and turned away, stomping off in a huff.

But then she stopped, turned around slowly and said, with a kinder face, "Watch your back, Jesse. Please, just... be careful."

IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII

A/N: How was that? :-) I actually kinda maybe liked that chapter. I wrote it when we went on vacation for the weekend, in the car and at the hotel. And now we're sitting outside of the casino in the car because, frankly, I don't like scary old grandmas blowing cigarrete smoke into my face. XP hehe   
  
I've got some stuff planned for this story yup yup I do.   
  
All I need is for you to review, kay? Yeah, you will review? Yay hugs  
  
333


	8. Limbless and Helpless

A/N: Starting with Paul's POV again. I think I'll do... like, Paul, Jesse's and then Suze's POV for each chapter unless they're in the same place or something. Kay? Cool.  
  
Now, uh, THANKS FOR LAST CHAPTER'S REVIEWS! VERY COOL, DUDETTES.   
  
Saz-646- Hehe, that's a really good point actually, but I think I've kinda got it figured out so Suze and Jesse meet anyway.   
  
beebee17- Hey thanks for all those reviews! :-D It made you cry? Really? Wow :-) lol  
  
Nice Hayley- Yeah believe me I'd say yes to Jesse in a heart beat, too lol.  
  
I'm glad you liked Paul's POV. 3  
  
purtymanagirl58- Really? I didn't think so when I was writing it. Two of you seem to think so, about Suze saying 'bitch' that is. I guess it's not a really big deal. Not the biggest big dealk anyway. Oh, and I went back and added a little in the story. Basically, she woke up and did all that stuff or whatever, but she doesn't rememeber any of it. To her it was kind of a blur.   
  
Esodes08- Aw, yeah Jake did say sister. I always thought he was another cutie lol just not Brad. Oh, and they kind of gave Suze a shot to calm her down, you know? Not really to like knock her out or anything lol. Jesse didn't want to say no because he didn't want to let his parents down. But I'm pretty sure he does eventually. Yeah and Maria's got some new tricks up her sleeve now but we'll have to see about that later. And, again, I didn't think such a big deal of Suze saying bitch until you all started bringing it up lol.  
  
Chayter: Nah she's not threatening him. I tried to make it so that it didn't sound like it hehe, that'd be strange....  
  
Alexis De Silva: Aw, thank you so much! And he is pretty angry, I guess. Actually, from the beginning, I wasn't sure what Paul did to Jesse. But now that you say that I really don't want it to be to keep him from dying because that's what book 6 is about, isn't it? i dunno, tell me what you think.  
  
For some reason everyone is asking me to inflict pain on Paul, Maria and Felix.... hmm I wonder why.... teehee  
  
Okay let me just tell you that this story gets a little confusing from here (even for me) so you've been warned.   
  
IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII  
  
PAUL'S POV---  
  
Suze's parents slept soundly, leaning on one another's shoulders. Father Dominic went back to the rectory and the boys were about to go home for the night, but only because Andy made them. Cee Cee and Adam were still here, tired, with dark circles under their eyes, but still supporting Suze.   
  
Honestly, the only reason I didn't go home was not because I needed to find out where Suze was and how to get her back. I was angry at her leaving, sure, but I didn't want her to die. Come on, I'm not that bad. If I left things up to the doctors, she'd never make it. On the other hand, if I went into the Shadowland to bring Suze back then there's the possibility that she could make it out of this place safely.  
  
So while they were all snoozing or whatever, I tried to get over into Suze's hallway, since I had to be a certain amount of feet away from her in order to be able to materialize to wherever she was. But as I was pushing the door open to get into Suze's room, Brad, who came back looking for his baseball cap, went, "Uh, Paul, where are you going?"  
  
I shrugged, "Just taking a walk."   
  
"Oh, okay, see you later then, Paul," I laughed as he walked away. Needless to say, little Bradley here is a few fries short of a Happy Meal if you know what I mean. You could literally see Suze lying in her bed with the foor this wide open. God, all those Steroids have really taken their toll on this guy, haven't they?   
  
(a/n: aw paul's mean!!!)  
  
Whatever. Once I made sure that no one was around, I concentrated all of my thoughts on Suze and closed my eyes, trying to shift and find out where the hell she'd gone off to. I felt a whirlwind of air swirl around me and clenched my eyes shut tighter. One important thing to remember when shifting is to always keep your eyes shut, and your mind clear, only concentrating on your destination. Because if you take a peek, then you will see where you are and possibly get all paniky and end up somewhere completely different to your original destination. This is the reason that so many of us shifters had never really seen what medium we traveled through when we shifted.  
  
So, after a few minutes of the intense wind tugging on my coat and clothing, I felt solid ground beneath my feet and opened my eyes. I'd landed neatly on my feet, crouching low like an animal. I lifted up my fingers from the ground and balanced myself.   
  
I was at... a party. Well, not really _at_ the party, but I was down the road and I could see it from where I was standing. There were clusters of people chatting out in front, mostly old men in fancy cowboy hats and women in big, flourishing hoop skirts. They all held drinks in their hands and were shouting and talking. There weren't any young children around, but a group that pretty much consisted of girls my age giggling over the tall, dark and handsom men that occassionally waved at them.  
  
Suze had to be around here somewhere.

I had to walk in the shadows, because people would definetely suspect things if they saw me wearing these close that were a century-and-a-half ahead of their time. I would stick out like a green horse.  
  
But, on my quest to find her, I ran into someone very unexpected. She was standing alone outside, holding a glass of champagne in her hand and tapping her heel to the music that blared from inside the house. I walked up right next to her and stood there, silently, until she turned around and gasped, taking a few steps backwards.  
  
I only walked in closer and twirled one of her dark, black ringlets around my index finger. She watched me cautiously through narrowed eyes.   
  
"Well if it isn't the great Maria de Silva," I said into her ear. "So we meet again. Listen, I've got a plan that will give us both what we want," I said flatly. I was a get-to-the-point type of guy.  
  
She looked completely disgusted at first and I laughed out loud, telling her that that's not what I meant. "Please," she cooed. "Enlighten me, won't you?"  
  
I nodded and rubbed my hands together. "What do you say we get you properly married to the RIGHT man and send little Susannah back where she belongs, huh?" She liked the sound of this and a slow smile spread across her face.  
  
"Could you really do that?" She asked, her doe eyes wide.   
  
"Of course I can, with your help. You love Diego, don't you? I have a way the two of you can be together for all eternity, Maria." I reached out and turned her face so she was looking right into my eyes. Her eyes were such a cold, focused brown it was hard to see into her. "Isn't that what you want?" I asked.  
  
She shook her head and nodded at the same time before letting out a strangled, "Yes." Then, in a clearer, more confident tone, she went, "Yes, I accept your offer."  
  
So I guess you could say I'm a troublemaker.  
  
I just can't stand to live a boring life where everyone is happy and it's all butterflies and hearts. You just need some excitement sometimes. Something to help you let loose. And the thrill of a fight, the adrenaline pumping through your veins, it's the ultimate good time for me.   
  
It'd be just for fun. Things would begin to grow dull so I'd spread a rumor here and there and I'd be engaged in this thrilling ride of emotions and words and anger. The fact that people's lives and friendships and loves were on the line was always so exhilerating. So appealing.   
  
I love the anger. The rush.  
  
I fed off of their pain.  
  
And boy, was I starving.   
  
(a/n: lol i just thought that was ultracheesy so i had to keep it in)

SUZE'S POV--  
  
Isn't it just my luck that I was forced to attend my boyfriend's engagement party that night?  
  
It so is. Everyone was all hyped up about the little fiesta. The girls were all fussing over their dresses and hair and all that jazz, trying to get me all worked up about it, too. But come on, do they actually expect me to be all, "Oh, okay girls let me get all pretty so I can celebrate my boyfriend's wedding to another woman?"   
  
Please. And not to mention the fact that Lucero and Rosa, who were supposed to be my friends, totally disreguarded my feelings and bought into this whole party thing, ignoring my requests to stay at Rosa's house and chill, kind of like a protest against their wedding. They only laughed at me. Lucero just needed to go because her sometimes-flame, Juan, would be there and she can't miss out on the chance to steal a dance. Rosa said she wanted to be there to support her friends and their decision, but I knew she was just looking for her own Prince Charming.  
  
Which left me to the choice of either staying at Rosa's house, alone and miserable, with nothing to do (Can you believe they don't even have cable? What am I going to do without my usual Saturday night Lifetime movie? ... Just kidding... I'm not that thick.), or going to the party and totally going against all of my principals.   
  
Of course, I chose the latter. Therefore, I wasn't really 'forced' to go to the party, like I might or might not have stated earlier. I just chose to. Kind of an attempt to, I don't know, fight the system from the inside? Yeah?   
  
No.   
  
Okay, fine, you got me:   
  
I wanted to sabotage Jesse's wedding. Well, no that might have sounded bad, I didn't exactly want to _sabotage_ it, more so as to _spy_ on Jesse and Maria a little.   
  
But come on, can you really blame me? Was I really supposed to just take this sitting down?  
  
Again, no.  
  
(a/n: yeah i dont know if they had make-up back then but I'm just guessing, alright? plus, they were kind of rich, I'm sure they could have something done...)  
  
That's why I put on one of Rosa's best dresses--a bright red one with see-through sleeves and neck area and with little black flowers embroidered into the hems--and put on some of Rosa's make-up to enhance my wonderful, peaches-and-cream complexion (ha ha, yeah right). The make-up wasn't much, this being the nineteenth century, and all. But, God, why couldn't I have been holding my makeup bag when I shifted here? I could have introduced these girls to the miracle of concealer.   
  
I was pretty much ready to go. But not before having Rosa do my hair into a thick, high bun with lots of small ringlets curling down and framing my face. Looking in the mirror, all I could think was, _Damn, I look hot_. Ha ha, I'm vain, I know.   
  
Anyway, I was feeling pretty darn good about myself until I realized why I had gotten all dressed up: 

Jesse was engaged. "Gah," I said as I let my head fall into my arms, defeated. "This really sucks," I grumbled.  
  
The girls were silent pretty much everytime I complained about Maria. I assume it's because she wasn't really someone they could actually hate with me. She was Lucero's cousin and, well, they liked her. I, for one, am not really up to befriending homicidal chicks in hoop skirts, but that's just me.   
  
So other than that little moment, I was pretty confident that whole night. I walked into the place, standing tall and proud, even when everyone began to stare and whisper because, Lucero told me later, I was wearing something so 'revealing'. Sure. Whatever.   
  
I pranced over to the other side of the room when the girls found some friends and began chatting animatedly. Everything was really lavishly decorated with all these little Mexican ornaments hanging on the walls. There were large tables piled high with all kinds of Mexican foods, each of them piping hot as the people came and helped themselves, stacking steaming tamales and tortillas onto their plates.

In the corner opposite where I was, there was a live Mariachi band playing. They were all dressed up in their tight black pants and coats, sombreros and little red bow-tie thingys, too. They played their violins, accordions and guitars with great feeling, often grinning at eachother.   
  
The party was just as lively. The men were swinging around the floor, their wives in their arms, to the music. Almost everyone seemed to be dancing and if they weren't they were engaged in what appeared to be a very amusing conversation with someone else. The place was bursting with people, all of them teeming with this convivial energy and an insatiable craving for a good time.   
  
I was the only one who wasn't dancing. A few guys had come up and asked me--none of them old and scary, thank God--but I had turned them down with a polite smile and continued looking for Jesse over the dozens of moving heads. After five rejected dance partners and a half-hour of standing there, straining my eyes and searching for Jesse, I decided to take a break and get some fresh air.  
  
I followed a thick, marble staircase up to a beautiful, marble and oak-trimmed balcony that looked out into the night and away from all the hectic fesivities. I sighed and leaned forward on the railing, inhailing the fresh, night air when I discovered that I wasn't alone up there.  
  
"Susannah, was it?" Maria asked in her crisp, precise English.   
  
I nodded silently. Oh, this was my chance! I should have told her off, I really should have. Or at least given her a taste of her own medicine. But leave it to me to freeze up and only be able to nod and smile at her. GAH!!!  
  
"I can't marry Hector," she confessed, stirring the drink she was holding as she leaned over the ledge. "Diego is waiting for me back home. What will he say when he hears that I'm engaged to be married?" But immediately after she said that, her hand clapped over her mouth as if she wasn't supposed to.

Then, slowly, she let her hand fall back down to her side. Not looking so guilty anymore, she walked around behind me so that her chin was hovering just centimeters above my shoulder. She whispered, "But you won't tell, will you Suzie? Because, of course, it would just break Jesse's heart if he heard that his precious 'Querida' had lost her life in a terrible, terrible accident, wouldn't it?"  
  
I could only gape at her, opening my mouth to speak, only to find that nothing would come out. How-- what--- How did she know?? About me and Jesse, I mean. What the HELL??!!

IIIIIIIIIIIIIIII

Oh, I was trapped in from all sides  
  
Caught in a slew of massive lies  
  
No there is no escape  
  
Only flailing arms and bellyaches  
  
When it all started coming down tonight  
  
Boy, did you run and hide  
  
Well, I guess that we all make mistakes  
  
I guess I forgave you didn't I?  
  
You're such a big brat   
  
Yeah you're always up to no good  
  
You're always up to no good 

IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII

"Maria," I said in a harsh and angry voice as I spun around on my heel. But Maria was already walking away, her hips swaying fashionably as she walked. Oh, I wasn't going to just let her get away that easy, was I?   
  
"Jesse's going to hear about this!" I shouted at her.  
  
"Even better," she said as she strolled out the door and down the stairs.   
  
I let out a real, angry growl and stomped my foot angirly. She was right, I'd only be doing what she wanted if I told Jesse, but I didn't have a choice. If I didn't warn Jesse, she'd KILL him! Or... would she? If I told Jesse about Maria and Diego then Jesse would call off the wedding, which is exactly what got him killed before.   
  
So I didn't have many options, you see, but I had to do something. Anything. I couldn't let her hurt Jesse. So, with a determined look molded on my face, I stomped down the stairs and onto the dance floor.   
  
Couples were still swinging about, laughing and talking loudly over the music. Then I saw Jesse:   
  
His hands were wrapped around Maria's waist and they were smiling at eachother. Her hands were wrapped around his neck, but when he turned around to look at me, and his smile faded, she put her hand on his cheek and turned his face back so he was looking at her. Maria shot me a warning glare and then they disappeared in a slew of other dancers.   
  
I scratched my head, my face controted in a look of real disgust. What was up with Jesse and why was he just letting Maria control him like that?? I had to talk to him alone, I'd tell him everything.  
  
I walked out into the de Silva's back yard, where Jesse had brought me early that morning. I sat on that same swinging bench and put my head down. supporting it with my hands. I was only sitting there like that for a minute or two before I heard a male voice above me.  
  
"Hola," he said in a harsh and grating whisper. "What is a beautiful _senorita_ such as yourself doing alone on a night like this?"   
  
God, could he come up with an even lamer pick-up line? Next, I practically expected him to be all, "Are you tired? 'Cause you've been running through my mind all day." to me. This guy was already making me sick and I hadn't even said a word to him yet. 

Slowly, I rose my head but as soon as I saw this guy, my eyes widened and I flew backward, my hand on my chest. Standing in front of me, holding his hand out to help me up, was none other than Felix Diego in the flesh.  
  
He was dressed up in these outrageous garbs, like a cape and these knee high boots and this brightly beaded little jacket, that I'm sure were hideous even in his time. I raised an eyebrow and covered my mouth with my palm. It was all I could do to keep from bursting out in an uncontrollable fit of laughter. This guy actually thought he was all smooth and slick and that he could get any girl he wanted just by reciting these lame lines. Only someone desperate would actually fall for this guy.  
  
Which is why he and Maria are such a perfect match.   
  
Wait a second... Maria.... Could it be possible that she had Felix come over here and try to fool me into going with him or whatever just so he could try and off me, too?

Oh, who was I kidding, it was entirely possibly from a couple of freaks like those two. But it was also just as likely that Felix didn't have a clue who I was and was just trying to offer a helping hand. Hah, sure. I wasn't letting my guard down, but I had a plan to give Maria a little taste of her own medicine.  
  
"Would you like to dance?" Felix asked with a sly, coniving smile as he extended his hand to me.  
  
"Yes, of course," I whispered with a sweet-but-not-so-innocent smile as I took his hand and let him lead me inside to the dance floor. So, I could be a little thick sometimes but I knew what I was doing this time. And if I played my cards right this time, things would come out exactly as I planned and Jesse and I would get away scott-free.  
  
The band was playing a considerably slower song now-- a Waltz, I think it was. I recognized the 1-2-3 rhythm. Felix rested his hand on my waist and pulled me close to him. I wrapped my arms around his neck and we began to fall into step with the other couples.  
  
But honestly, the whole thing was really creepy. Not just because I was dancing with a possible slave-driver but because he was totally like _SNIFFING_ my hair as we danced. His nose was buried in it and I kept hearing him inhale sharply every now-and-then. I mean, come on! Way to gross a girl out. It was just that _Pantene Pro-V, _anyway.   
  
Except that when Jesse and Maria fluttered by us, I rested my head on Diego's shoulder, totally playing the part.   
  
And it was then that I tried, with every bit of will-power I possessed, to keep from laughing my head off when I saw their faces when they saw Diego and I dancing like that. I swear, that look was PRICELESS!  
  
At least I knew that Felix Diego and Maria weren't in cahoots. Not yet, anyway.  
  
Maria really looked like a really cheap, made-up deer caught in headlights, her eyes were so wide and her jaw was hanging so low. I, of course, would never compare the godly Jesse to something so insignificant like a deer, but that won't stop me from commenting on how terrified his face looked when he saw the two of us. I actually couldn't help it any more and snickered into Felix's shoulder.   
  
But whatever. I wasn't trying to make Jesse jealous now. I decided, that while I had the chance, I had to ask Felix Diego here a few questions. You know, to see if he really was hiding anything up his sleeve.   
  
"And what could your name be, _Senorita_?" Felix said as he swept me across the floor.

He kept calling me that: _Senorita_. It would never, of course, in a million years, compare to Jesse's "Querida" but, I had to admit, the way he rolled out that "R" on his toungue and in that deep, menacing, sexy growl, "Senorita" sure did come pretty close. But then again, Felix's was a lot less mysterious then "Querida" was for a while.  
  
Wait. WHAT AM I SAYING!?!?!  
  
THIS WAS FELIX DIEGO. FELIX DIEGO WHO KILLED JESSE!   
  
Did he really expect me to just forget about what he did to him just by calling me this proper, sexy Spanish word and by letting his hand find just the right spot on my waist??!!   
  
GOD NO! FELIX WAS A SICK, SICK MAN. He could never, ever, come close to Jesse's perfection.  
  
"Susannah," I said in response to his question. "My name is Susannah."  
  
"Ah, what a beautiful name," he drawled in a sexy, spanish accent--

NO! WHY WAS I LETTING MYSELF FALL UNDER HIS SPELL SO EASILY?? He was--no-- IS a murderer, Suze, focus!  
  
It was time to get back to business:  
  
"So, what do you think of the couple?" I asked as he handed me a glass of sparkling, white wine. We were standing in the corner of the room near the food and all the young children, peeping through the doors at the party they weren't allowed to attend.   
  
But, I have to say, Felix looked pretty taken aback at my question. Like it wasn't a standard thing to say at an engagement celebration or whatever this was.  
  
"Well, I think they're perfect for each other," he responded with a grin. "And you?"  
  
I took a big gulp, letting the bitter-sweet liquid trickle down my throat. I laughed nervously, "Yeah, same here. Totally." Even though I totally _DIDN'T_. There couldn't be anything that was more wrong and vile in the world than the wedding of Jesse and Maria. It honestly wasn't meant to happen. I mean, look what happened before.   
  
Oh God. I'm messed up. I picked up another glass, swallowed it all in one gulp and plunked it back down on the table. It would have been an understatement to say that I got a few dirty, disgusted looks.   
  
"Actually," Felix said, stepping closer until my forehead was kind of right underneath his chin. "I'm looking for a wife myself." I gulped and looked up at him, already getting a little woozy. I'd had one too many glasses of wine and champagne, if you took into account all that was offered to me earlier.   
  
And, for one totally, crazy, irrisponsible second, Felix looked exactly like Jesse and before I knew it I had already pulled his head down and planted a big wet one on his lips. Right in front of EVERYONE at the party, too.

And did I mention that this kind of thing was completely UNNACCEPTABLE back in 1850? Yeah, well, if you couldn't already guess, it IS.

God, only in my completely intoxicated state could I have EVER thought that Felix Diego was good-looking. Oh, this was so embarassing.   
  
So not only did everyone stop and stare at me, but Jesse and Maria were watching also. God. I thought their faces were surprised BEFORE! Jeez, they looked like they had just shitted their pants, or something. I swear.   
  
But then agian, I probably did, too, when I ran out of there. My face was still in flames when I had bolted out of there without looking back.

Oh, God, I was crazy. How did I expect to stay there? I don't BELONG there. I'm sure Jesse loved me but there was no way I could've stayed there in the past. I can't change the past. What's done is done.   
  
I was ready to find a way back.   
  
I was finally ready to go back home, whether Jesse came with me or not.  
  
IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII  
  
Wow!!!! Will she leave? What are Paul and Maria planning? Was the Felix thing a set-up? Will Jesse survive this story safely (if you know me well enough you'd know im perfectly capable of killing him, i've done it before lol)? Will Paul take Suze back with him?  
  
Why don't I even know the answers to these questions? lol  
  
Alright well....  
  
I think I sometimes get writers block because I'm busy with other things. But here, without internet (darn it) or cable or my dogs or my cd player, I'm actually having fun writing. And it's coming out semi-okay. So here's a tip for those of you who are stuck: Just clear your mind of everything that's bugging you, maybe go in your room and put on some music and just write. :-)  
  
That reminds me, the lyrics used in this chapter are from the song Big Brat by Phantom Planet.  
  
::::cracks up at The Simpsons and Ned Flanders saying, "Well, get out the crayola's and color me 'Tickled Pink'" and Bart giving the boys Pixie Stix LOL:::  
  
A lot of you brought up really good points that made me feel a little, er, dumb lol. Some stuff doesn't really make sense withthe rest of the story but I'm kinda too lazy to fix it. I won't say what it is though. But oh well.  
  
REVIEW!!   
  
.... please? 333


	9. I Can't Even Recognize You

A/N: I couldn't stop grinning after reading all you're reviews. Don't hate me, but I thought it was pretty funny how most of you were pretty disgusted by me and that little stunt that Suze pulled. :-P  
  
I don't know what got into me. It was a bit much, wasn't it?  
  
Anyway, I don't think I'm going to reply personally this time since all of you were pretty much just grossed out.  
  
But, yah, this will be a shorter chapter. There isn't much thats going on, and if I added more it would be spoiling the surprises. Although Jesse's POV does take up a big portion of it, so that might make up for that moment of yuckiness back there. It's a lot of contemplating, ideas and not much has really happened. We'll save that for the next chapter.  
  
Here ya go:  
  
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JESSE'S POV---  
  
I do not mean to sound rude, but Maria was incredibly dull.  
  
I know, it was a very, very ungentlemanly thing for me to say but I hated to admit that it was true. I knew she was trying to be fun and flirtatious but going on for hours about her new dress and what happened at her father's party last weekend just isn't the thing that can get me really excited. I am sorry, but it's true.  
  
Her attitude on the marriage issue did seem to change quite quickly, though. One minute she was moping and telling me that her life would be ruined and the next she was all smiles, saying how marriage wasn't such an atrocious idea after all. I could only raise my eyebrows curiously and listen politely as she spoke. Nothing else was really possible. Why the sudden change?  
  
My mind wandered as we danced. She was wrapping her arms around my neck and leaning her head on my chest amorously, but not too scandalously, since we were yet to be married. She spoke, but I barely heard a word she was saying. I could only think of Susannah. There was no way to get out of this engagement but I couldn't just let her think that I did not even care enough to say good-bye.   
  
Our dancing was emotionless now. We just swayed with the music, our minds clearly somewhere else.  
  
Even if I knew that a romance between Susannah and I would never be possible, I had to see her one last time. I had to remember her with one last kiss. From that moment on, I was determined to find Susannah. I know, it was a sin to even think of kissing Susannah when I was betrothed to Maria but I just couldn't get my mind off of Susannah.  
  
Her beautiful, silky brown hair. Gorgeous, radiant green eyes and that precious, soft skin that was like heaven to touch. The way she ran her hands down my arms and trembled slightly when I held her. The way her eyes sparkled a mesmerizing green everytime our eyes met. Her kisses that were the sweetest and most amazing thing anyone could ever experience.   
  
I had to see her again. Just to get it out of my system, even, before the wedding. But there was no question about it: I was going to see Susannah again, no matter what it took.   
  
Ironically, just when I was thinking of that, I spotted Susannah above the crowd... and she was in the arms of another. Before I knew it they were dancing right next to us. It was like the place suddenly grew quiet (although I knew very well that it did not) and all I could hear was my own breath, growing more rapid by the second.   
  
Her head was rested on his chest and his hand was grazing down her back. It moved dangerously low but stopped right at the lowest point of her waist. Ese puerco.   
  
But that man was just testing me, because he could tell that I cared about Susannah. He knew it. Susannah, on the other hand, seemed oblivious to Maria and I. She really didn't look like she minded the man's hand where it was.   
  
I have to say, there was nothing that depressed me more than seeing her like that, in another man's embrace. I know, it was just a simple dance that would be over in a minute or two but there was something else. When this night was over, a love between the two of us would never be possible. That meant that while I was married to a girl who only served to annoy me, she would belong to another man who loved her and made her happy.   
  
I couldn't bear to see that happen. I felt such a strong attatchment between the two of us that I couldn't ignore. This feeling, growing inside me with every moment we spent apart, was unbearably painful.   
  
With a strong jerk, I pulled out of Maria's hold. "I have to go. I'm very sorry," I mumbled to her as I pushed blindly past couples, not bothering to excuse myself, and out into the backyard of the house where I knew no one would find me. My heart was beating furiously and I couldn't see clearly, as everything seemed to be spinning. My eyes were glossy and my breathing quickened.  
  
Anger ripped through me with such a force that I needed to take it out on something or I felt I would burst. Something needed to give. I couldn't live life like this anymore.   
  
Blood trickled down my knuckles where the skin had torn. The walls had small, thin red lines of blood traced into the cracks. I leaned up against the side of the house and let my feet give out beneath me. I sat on the ground, clutching my legs. A single tear tumbled down my left cheek.   
  
I didn't know if it was a result of the pain that was now shooting from my hand and up my arm, or if it was the fact that I could never have Susannah that was finally getting to me. I wiped it away quickly. I had to be strong.  
  
I stood up and walked over to the well. I dipped my stinging hand in the cool water and watched the blood swirl and dance around my hand before disappearing. I pulled it out, wiped it on a rag that lie nearby and, with all the confidence I could muster, went back inside to join my fiance.  
  
"Hector," Maria cried as she rushed over to me, her eyes wide. "Where were you? You had be worried sick. Come, let's dance and have fun. There is no time to mope around the place, Hector. We need to enjoy ourselves. It is, after all, a celebration of our union."  
  
And, for the first and possibly only time, Maria's words made sense. Why worry about something that I had no control over? It was best to just let things happen as they are supposed to happen and not interfere, right? At least, that was my philosophy for the time after the little incident outside and before I saw Susannah again.  
  
Actually, when I did see her again, I really did doubt for a moment that it was her. How could Susannah, the innocent and pure angel I had once believed her to be, be kissing another man, clearly drunk, right in front of the whole party? It just wasn't possible, right?   
  
Dios, how could I have been so damn naive?  
  
She was never innocent. She was never as vulnerable and angelic as I had percieved her to be. She was none of the above because she was just that: a perception.   
  
I knew now that this was the real Susannah. It had to be. Maybe Lucero was right. She could have been a raunchy, ill-mannered woman who was simply taking advantage of me and my love.   
  
Or perhaps she was only a figment of my imagination in some sense. An illusion. Someone I created to recieve some kind of fuffilment before I was to propose to Maria. Or that this was all a dream. Because, honestly, this could be nothing less than a nightmare. Everything was going so wrong that it was hard to belive that this was real.   
  
Why was my querida Susannah kissing another man???  
  
It was over in a second and when I had blinked again, she was running past everyone and out the door, covering her face in shame. And she should be, too. Ashamed, that is. What did she expect us to think of her if she went around, throwing herself at men she did not even know!?  
  
"Esa puta!!!!!," Maria said. Her face was molded into a truly disgusted frown. I also couldn't help but notice how pale she was now. How her hands were trembling. "I knew that girl was trouble, Hector. Please stay away from her, won't you?"  
  
It was a strange request for her to make, but I agreed anyway. The majority of me wanted nothing to do with Suze anymore. I couldn't picture the two of us speaking normally, without it being an awkward mess.   
  
But then there was that other. small part of me that still longed to see her at the end of the night. Like nothing that happened mattered and, as hard as I tried not to, I still coudn't stop thinking about Susannah.   
  
"Jesse," my father's voice boomed from behind me. He seemed unaffected by the night's events and just seemed to be worried about whether everyone else was having a good time or not. "You know we have been planning this wedding for a while now, hijo, and have simply delayed the engagement although the date was set for next week."   
  
I felt my whole entire body go numb. "Next week, padre? Are you sure?"  
  
"Si," he boomed. "We are all very sure, Hector. We will be leaving tomorrow morning for San Fransisco, where the wedding will be held. You will have all night to pack and we'll be departing at dawn."   
  
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SUZE'S POV--  
  
Never in my life had I ever been so embarassed. I swear, I just wanted to curl up under a rock and die.  
  
Seriously.  
  
I had just bursted into shaking sobs as soon as I'd left the place and just longed for a pair of strong, warm arms to hold me close. To tell me that everything would be okay even though it really wouldn't. In other words, I wanted Jesse.   
  
But since I'd come to accept the fact that I would, indeed, never have him, I just kept running until I was as far away from the de Silva's home as possible. I ended up pretty much where I was when I first got here: out past the houses and pretty much in the desert. Kind of.   
  
Anyway, I was just leaning up against that same tree, wishing with every ounce of strength that I had in me to go home when I heard someone clearing their throat above me. Thinking that it was Felix, who had some gall to come and find me, I went, "God, you're such an asshole, Diego. You know that, right?"  
  
"Diego?" The familiar voice asked in mock hurt. "Oh please, Suze, don't tell me that there's... someone else?" I scrambled to my feet.  
  
It was Paul. Well, kind of. This was like a nineteenth century version of Paul.   
  
You see, Jesse looked hot in that open shirt with big, fluffy sleeves and those tight, black bull fighter pants. But let me tell you, when Paul wore them, I sort of had to question his sexual orientation for a moment. No offense or anything but I kind of, almost, started cracking up when I saw him standing there. But, before I could, I was overpowered by this great sense of relief and instead threw my arms around his neck, sobbing into his shirt. I also couldn't help but bury my nose into his bare chest, which was kind of inevitable to look at in that shirt.  
  
Anyway, he was here. My ticket back home. My ticket to an (almost) normal life as a (fairly) well-adjusted kid in _21st Century_ California!  
  
"Paul," I sniffled. "Oh, I'm so glad to see you, I really am." I moved my arms until they were wrapped around the middle of his back. He petted my hair gently and shushed me, pulling my body close against his.  
  
"I missed you too, Suze. We were all so worried about you back home. Your parents are worried sick."  
  
I scrunched up my eyebrows, pushing a piece of hair from my eyes. "What are you talking about, Paul?"   
  
"Suze," he said as he let go of me, slightly. His hands remained on my shoulders. He shook me slightly as he said, "Back home, you're in the hospital. You're dying, Suze."  
  
::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::  
  
PAUL'S POV--  
  
"You're dying, Suze."   
  
I held her securely by the shoulders, already prepared for what would happen when I broke the news. And, just like I figured, her knees gave out and I had to hold her up. Her face turned a sickly white. Inside, I snickered with satisfaction. _I had her eating out of the palm of my hand. This was perfect._  
  
"You're kidding," she said, laughing nervously. "You're just playing, right Paul?" And when I didn't say anything she went, hitting her clenched fists on my chest, "Right!??"  
  
I shook my head. "No, Suze. I am dead serious. Uh... no pun intended."  
  
Oh, things were coming out just like I had planned. You see, this little bit of info would scare Suze into coming back home, just like I wanted her to. And, just to make sure Jesse was out of the way, when Maria and Felix planned to kill Jesse (like they inevitably would) I'd have them dump Rico Suave's body out in the ocean or something. That way, in the future if Jesse was to reappear as a ghost, as he most likely would, he would haunt some light-house or something instead of Suze's bedroom. Therefore, the two lovebirds would never meet.  
  
And just like that, my Jesse problems would be solved. It was simple, really. And I'd already completed phase one.  
  
Suze looked a little dizzy and lightheaded as she said, "God, I have to get back then. I mean, I don't want to... die or something. Paul, how do we get back? I need to leave now."  
  
"Just hold on close," I said, taking her trembling hands in my own. "Close your eyes and it'll only be a second. You'll wake up and everything will be back to normal. Just you and me again, Suze. You and me."  
  
With my eyes closed, and only a second before we were to materialize back to modern Carmel, I felt her tug away from me. My grip was tight. "What are you _doing_?"  
  
She shook her head. "Sorry, Paul. I have to do something before I go. It's... uh, really important. Please wait, it will only be a second. Please." She lifted up the bottom of her dress and ran off. Her hair was falling out of the high bun it was once in and her face was smudged with dirt. She ran barefoot, despite the rocks and pebbled scattered around.  
  
Normally, this would be Suze's only concern but she really didn't seem to care as she ran farther away until I couldn't see her. Something was obviously more important that any of this. This something--no, someone--was the only thing she was thinking about.  
  
This someone was more important than me.   
  
I ignored Suze's request and left to find Maria. There was a change in plans: We would no longer wait for tomorrow night to kill Jesse. He was, after all, way over-due.   
  
It was time for Suze to bid her precious Jesse _adios_.  
  
::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::  
  
A/N:  
  
Uh Oh.   
  
I know, it was short. But belive me, I'll (maybe) make up for it later. And there was a reason to that kiss, okay? I wasn't just bored....   
  
Oh, yeah that reminds me lol (major blonde moment, no offense) I couldn't stop cracking up because, up there in the story, I had "life house" first because I totally forgot what they were called. Really, I didn't have a clue. It didn't look right so I had to ask my friend and she told me that it was "light house" not "life house". lol I can be an big airhead sometimes.   
  
anyway, hehe   
  
333!!! 


	10. True Love Waits

A/N: Yeah I was going through a rough week. I was about to post a new tagteam fic and I didn't want it to seem like I could write that but not this. Anyway, I'm sure you all know by now that I'd rather start a new fic than finish an old one :D.

Ah, well, here we go. This was originally supposed to be one long, final chapter but I wanted to get something up. Kay? I know, evil cliffie at the end, too.

Thank you soooo much to everyone that has reviewed so far cause your reviews have really, really cheered me up (I love you Dancerdude! lol).

Well, I know this is a short chapter but I hope you enjoy.

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JESSE'S POV--

I watched as my servant and good friend, Gloria, packed a few chests full of clothes for me. Every handful or so, she would put the clothing into the chest, look up at me for a moment, and then heave a big sigh and go back to packing. She kept saying how she had a feeling that Maria was 'just not the right girl for me, I deserve better.'

But really, Maria was the kind of woman that every man in all of Salinas County dreamed of marrying. She was healthy, beautiful, graceful and could bear you many sons to a good name. And here I was, engaged to this woman of irrisistible beauty and elegance, and all I could think about was the other woman. The one who had broken my heart so many times.

When I thought about it, I could really grow to love Maria after a while and vice-versa. There was no reason to be so hesitant, really. I should have been happy that I had the chance to marry such an honorable woman.

Gloria held up a picture frame. "Si?" She asked. I nodded and she set it on top of the rest of the things, closing down the lid and clicking it shut.

Okay, to be honest, I wasn't sure whether my father was planning on sending us back home or not. He just might have found a home for Maria and I in San Fransisco and was to surprise us with it as a wedding gift... or he could have just wanted me to come home and help him with the ranch. I didn't know.

It was late that night that Gloria and I had finally finished packing. She had left for her quarters, complaining of a sore back, and I, too, was worn out, and went straight to bed.

I didn't fall asleep immediately, though. I remained there for probably about half an hour, tossing and turning in my bed. Although I knew that it was totally possible that I was making the biggest mistake of my life, I had this annoying little feeling of excitement in my stomach. This wasn't supposed to happen. I was not supposed to be excited.

But then slowly, it turned into a deep feeling of worry. Or it could have been worry all along. Only it wasn't over the wedding, but over Susannah. She wasn't looking her best when I had last seen her. I only wondered if she was okay. There was an unmistakeable sadness in her eyes that night. I couldn't let that go ignored.

Then, after what seemed like hours of lying in the stillness, a faint knock on the door caused me to throw the blankets off my body and scramble to my feet. As I walked to the door and let my fingertips fall upon the cool brass of the doorknob, a chill ran up my spine.

Something big was going to happen tonight. I could feel it.

The door swung open slowly and with a long, impatient creak. The first thing she did was run into my arms when she saw me. Oh, it was _the_ greatest feeling in the world. Just holding Susannah in my arms like that.

I didn't realize how much I loved her. How much I missed her. I never wanted to let go, only ran my hands over her back and kissed her forehead, running my fingers through her hair. Susannah hugged me right back for the longest time. I didn't want to let go for fear that I would never hold her close to me again. I couldn't lose her.

(a/n: haha before I had written "...and kissed her _forehead_ madly" lol pictures jesse slobbering all over suze's forehead.)

I put each of my palms on her cheeks and smiled at her. She sighed as I leaned in, kissing the tears from her cheeks. My lips grazed her chin and the area around her lips before finally doing what I'd secretly been yearning to do all day. She sighed and leaned into me as we kissed. Her arms circled my neck and she played with my hair.

Before either of us realized it we were kissing rather... erm, passionately on my bed. I know, it was VERY wrong for me to be doing this. If anybody found out that I had a woman in my bedroom at night, I would be a dead man.

But none of that seemed to matter to me. All I cared about was Susannah. Susannah and her skin upon my own, her silky brown hair that cascaded down her shoulders. The way she smiled at me between kisses. That sparkle in her eyes made everything we were doing seem alright. Maybe I was just letting my emotions get the best of me, but that was the happiest moment of my life: Just being there with Susannah.

She lay with her head resting in my arms. "Jesse," she whispered softly. "I don't want you to leave me. Promise me that you'll always be with me no matter who you marry and no matter where we go, just tell me that you'll always love me."

I know now just quite how  
my life and love might still go on  
In your heart, in your mind  
I'll stay with you for all of time  
  
If I could, then I would  
I'll go wherever you will go

"Yes, querida," I whispered into her ear, "of course. I'll always love you. More than anyone or anything I have ever known. Don't forget that."

Nothing happened between us. There were only kisses. Kisses that would have to last me an entire lifetime. I would never forget her.

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SUZE'S POV--

Lucero lied to me. I was supposed to be her friend, and she lied. I was going to get her back for that. She had no idea what kind of emotional pain she caused me during those excruciating five minutes when I thought that Jesse hated me. She had NO IDEA.

I mean, there I come, expecting Jesse to wrap me up in his arms and Lucero stops me at the door, telling me that he likes Maria better and never wanted to see me again. What a bitch! Grr...

At least, that's what I was thinking as I knocked on Jesse's bedroom door. But seeing Jesse there made every thought I was having completely leave my brain. The next thing I knew, I was wrapped in his arms as he kissed me affectionately.

The whole time in his bedroom was way romantic. We didn't really do anything but kiss. Still, those kisses were the best things I had ever experienced.

I was lying in his arms, just playing with the little ruffles on his t-shirt and ocassionally running a finger over that fabulous six-pack when something occured to me:

This would be the last night that Jesse and I would have together. Ever. After this he'd still be here, in the 19th century. And, to add insult to injury, he'd be marrying Maria! The one person I couldn't hate any more than I already do!

Anyway, the whole idea that Jesse and I were never going to see eachother again was rather depressing, if you know what I mean. What worried me more was whether Jesse would still love me. I mean, I really doubted that he would still be in love with me after so much time.

I knew I would, though. Still love him, that is. Not only did I know because I love Jesse more than anyone would ever know, but because I had suddenly remembered what Madam Zara told me when I was just 12 years old:

I would have a love that would last for all of time.

It was Jesse, of course. I only wondered if he felt the same way.

"Yes, querida," he whispered as he ran his fingers through my hair, "of course. I'll always love you. More than anyone or anything I have ever known. Don't forget that."

I smiled into his chest and kissed him again softly. I pulled my lips away aprubtly though when I remembered that Paul was still waiting for me. God, what if he had left already? I would be stranded here for good, alone and without a family or friends.

"Sorry, Jesse," I breathed, putting my sweatshirt on over my tank top and blowing him a quick kiss as I held open the door to the room, ready to leave. Jesse barely had a chance to sit up. The look on his face was horrible, though. He looked like someone had just told him that his entire family had been murdered (really).

"I have to go now. I love you so much Jesse, please don't forget that."

I let the door swing shut behind me and stepped outside, wiping a single tear from my eye. I guess it was better to do this quickly before I could register the pain. Like ripping off a bandaid: The faster you do it, the easier it is to get it over with.

I'd ran back to where I had last seen Paul, and I totally expected to see him waiting there, eager to take me back home. Only he wasn't. There, I mean. Then again, he probably wasn't very eager to take me home either, since he just ran off and left me.

"Aw, shit," I hissed.

Then I heard it. The very sounds that would change my life forever.

Deep in the forest I heard the faint rustle of branches and twigs breaking. It sounded like a struggle. A man and woman's shouts. I was intrigued now, but not enough to interrupt any... er, late night meetings that were going on in those woods.

I totally kicked myself for it later, but I decided to just go back and look for Paul at Jesse's house because, at that moment, it seemed like the only other logical place for him to be. Only he wasn't there when I got there.

Instead, I found Jesse's bedroom door wide open. I wasn't even very worried then, until my gaze drifted to the floor, where small drops of blood were scattered everywhere. How could I have not noticed this before?

My head was reeling, trying to put it all together. The shouts became clearer now. The woman was shrieking and the man's voice was loud and commanding. They both sounded so vaguely familiar. I ran now, faster into the woods with only the moon to light my way. I followed the shouts deeper into the woods...

It was then that I found myself face-to-face with my worst nightmare.

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

JESSE'S POV--

Susannah had left and once again, I felt empty. Abandoned.

That is until a few seconds later when I heard the doorknob outside of my room rattling. Maybe Susannah was back. Maybe she changed her mind about leaving and was coming back to be with me. Maybe.

The rattling soon changed into banging and I grew curious, getting out of bed and opening the door. My eyes widened in horror when I saw this man standing there. I barely had a chance to get a word out, asking him who he was and what the hell he was doing in my home, when he pulled out a gun. The moonlight reflected off of the dull silver metal as he slowly pulled it up to my chest...

and pulled the trigger.

In an instant, I was sent flying backwards, my whole world spiraling above me until everything was cast in a dark shadow and I lost conciousness.

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

A/N: Alright. That was an evil cliffie, I know. But it seemed the only place to stop. The next chapter is definitely the last, then. It's been great.

Thanks a million, billion, trillion for reading, please review :)

333 Peace.

P.S. Oh yeah. Jesse ISN'T dead. Don't freak out (I know I've probably killed him off like 15 times already, huh?) :D


	11. Author's Note

Hey everyone. Luna here.

I know it's been months since I've updated this fic. I've gotten a few reviews wondering what was up.

Well, here it is. I haven't written anything outside of school essays for almost a year. But I might finally be past that writer's block.

So I've got about half the last chapter done, and I'm so excited. I'm writing again! Anyway, I'm too attached to this story to just leave it unfinished.

Thanks for hanging in there.

Luna.


	12. Broke

A/N: It's been more than a year since the last update, for you old readers. And for you new readers, sorry if this story sounds vaguely familiar to anything you've written or read. I haven't been keeping up with any stories on hear lately and anything that's parallel to anything to recognize is just a coincidence.

Thanks for sticking in there. Enjoy...

Suze's POV-

Once, in middle school, my best friend Gina convinced me to join the track team with her. She needed something to do after school, and begged me to join, to keep her company. Running never really interested me, but as I raced around the school's track, I found I had a talent for this. The wind on my cheeks and the sound of my tennis shoes slapping the pavement really got to me. I found myself even winning a few meets.  
But this running was different. The wind on my cheeks only made me dizzy, and I knew that with every step I took I wasn't closer to winning, but closer to losing the one person that meant the most to me in the world.  
My mind raced with the horrible possibilities of what could have happened. Felix Diego and Maria stabbed Jesse, in his own home, killing him once and for all. I knew this. I should have known that coming back to the past was never going to change anything. Jesse's fate was written in stone. There was nothing I could do to change that.  
As I approached the place where the shouts were coming from, I found myself more and more nauseous. The stars above my head spun around me and blurred with the ground. I grabbed my stomach, turned, and hurled into the bushes nearby. The combination of the sight of blood splattered across Jesse's room, the alcohol and the shock of it all was definitely not doing me any good.  
Suddenly, as if I really needed any more surprises, I felt a strong hand wrap around my waist. My first instinct was to kick and scream. And boy, did I scream.  
I must say, I'm not exactly what you would call weak. An hour of kick boxing a night really helped and I could kick a guy's ass, no problem. But man, either I was weak or this guy was really something, because even after all the flailing and kicking, the guy's grip did not loosen. It was then that I realized that this man wasn't Paul Slater, but someone way more dangerous.  
"Oh, my Senorita," he growled into my ear. "So we meet again." I turned my head and, with all my might, spit into his face. He roared and cursed, dragging this cheek along his shoulder, wiping his face clean. "You will pay for that, little lady."  
He dragged me deeper into the woods and onto the edge of a cliff overlooking the ocean.  
Carmel, California was famous for it's plunging cliffs and hairpin ocean roads. Every once in while you would hear about a car that swirved off the road and to it's doom off one of our hundred feet cliffs. They were rocky, jagged and worst of all, deadly. Now I found myself hanging off the edge of one of these cliffs, clinging to the solid ground with everything I had left in me. I turned my head, and took in the view of the hundred foot drop below me. If I went back any farther, I would plunge to meet a certain death as my body met the rocks.  
Like a true gentleman, Diego had thrown me down to the ground, and kicked me in the chest with his hobnail boot. He succeeded in knocking the wind out of me, ripping a hole in my hoodie, and getting me very, very pissed, as if I wasn't before this. Oh, was I pissed.  
I managed to lift my head and look around. I could have sworn Diego awarded me with another blow, I felt all of my breath escape me, and my head began to spin. But no, Diego hadn't hit me again, I just saw the image of Jesse, on the ground next to me, bleeding.  
Jesse clutched his side with his left hand, and heaved every breath. His face was twisted and contorted with pain. I screamed and threw myself at him, holding his head close to me.  
"Jesse," I cried, my throat burning and my eyes stinging with tears. "Jesse what did they do to you?" I asked, although I knew that there would be no response on his part. His breathing grew slower and steadier and I knew we would have to get him to a hospital if he was going to live.  
"Suze," said Paul from behind me. He had his hand on my shoulder. "Suze, just leave him and get out of here. I told Maria not to shoot him, I told her I would call the cops but she didn't listen, Suze. Jesse... he's not going to make it. Let's just get out of here."  
"No..." I whispered, refusing to accept this. Jesse would live. "No!" I shouted, as I put Jesse down and threw myself at Maria, who had just emerged from the woods.  
The next thing I knew, we were pretty much rolling around on the floor, and I had landed a pretty fair punch right smack into Maria's nose. She screamed in horror as blood ran down her cheeks and into her beautiful brown curls. I quickly grabbed a handful of these curls and pulled, knowing the pain that came with pulling hair. She screamed and arched her back. She was squirming, but as I have said, I'm pretty strong and managed to keep her under me. She didn't even throw a punch, I caught her that off guard.  
Iguess I was pretty pissed, and Maria was my punching bag. Hey, it was her fault that my boyfriend was dying, and she was going to get what she was asking for. I was hurting, and if I had to hurt, so did she.  
And I didn't stop hurting her until Paul pulled me off of her about ten minutes later, holding me close to his chest. By this time, I was hanging limp in his arms, sobbing uncontrollably. The whole fight was just sobbing, hitting, screaming, and more hitting. How could she do this to Jesse? Jesse was the kindest person I had ever known. He was kind to his sisters, he was smart, and funny and for God's sake he wanted to become a doctor. Why would anyone to this to him? Now more than ever, I hated Maria, that selfish bitch.  
I looked up through my bangs and saw that Jesse was being carried away by four men. Jesse wasn't the only one being carried away, though. Maria was being pushed, despite her beat up state, by two men in uniforms. Felix Diego wasn't far behind. Both were wearing a shiny set of handcuffs around their wrists.  
The whole de Silva estate had began to assemble around the scene. Other farmers from nearby were watching the scene unfold, holding their wives close to them. By the look on their faces, no one could believe that the most powerful man in Salinas County, Felix Diego, and the most elegant woman, Maria de Silva were being dragged away in handcuffs.  
I spund around, burying my head into Paul's chest. He wrapped his arms tight around me and kissed my head. "Suze," he whispered. "Suze, just calm down. Look, we can go home right now if you want, and it'll be like none of this ever happened. It'll be just you and me again, just you and..."  
My eyes suddenly grew wide with realization. "Oh my God," I coughed. "Jesse... Is Jesse dead?"  
I could see by the dim moonlight as Paul's eyes darted from side to side. "Yes, he's dead. I'm so sorry." He squeezed me tighter, apologizing again and again.  
I wasn't going to have any of it, though. I tore myself from his grip. "You're lying, Paul Slater! You nasty liar. Jesse isn't dead and I know it." He let out a dry, laugh. His trademark smirk crept across his face, transforming him from the kind Paul I'd grown accustommed to and into this horrible monster.  
"No he's not dead, Susie. But he's going to die soon, there's no point in denying it. Look, what t he fuck do you want with a dead guy, anyway." He took a few steps closer, his hands buried deep into the pockets of his newly donned jeans. "I can give you so much more than him. Come back with me, Suze. Forget this ever happened and come back with me. You wont even remember Jesse anymore."  
My voice caught in my throat. No more Jesse. As much as I loved Jesse, this thought was tempting. No more Jesse. I would never remember the pain I'd felt, the horrible void he left behind when he disappeared would no longer be there. I could live out a happy, normal teenage life with Paul, a real, living, boyfriend. It would be everything I've ever wanted. No Jesse...  
"Are you coming with me, Suze?" Paul's voice, harsh and demanding, interrupted my thoughts. "I'm going whether you come with me or not. This is your last chance..."  
My breathing grew faster, and for the first time that whole night my thoughts were clear. With a new confidence, I strutted up to Paul and put my hands against his chest. I leaned in very close, until my face was only about two inches away from his. I felt his hands start to slip around my waist. Before they went any farther I whispered, "Fuck you, Paul," and spun around on my heel with only one person on my mind: Jesse.

A/N: Hope you liked, the next (short) chapter should be up soon. Please Review : )


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